


Adaptability in the Species

by bloodymack21



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Collars, M/M, Master/Slave, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Rimming, Slow Build, Wing Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:37:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodymack21/pseuds/bloodymack21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sudden change in Castiel requires Gabriel to leave him under the protection of his two favorite idiots. But things aren’t always as they seem with the Archangel and Dean has the sinking sensation there’s more at work here than witches when Cas keeps trying to climb on his lap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They would have preferred a nice fruit basket instead

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in season 5 after the supernatural convention (I think episode 9?)  
> First off thank you Katie again for beta work, lately you seem to be keeping my desire to actually publish these things going. So there will be no sex this chapter or likely the next either. This is probably going to be a slow build since I really only see Dean as being the sort of person who would only be gay for Castiel so there may be some angst from him at some point as he comes to terms with how he feels towards Cas. Let me know what you think and I'm working on chapter two now so it should be up in a week. If you ship it check out my Rise of The Guardians Black Ice pwp.

Dean wasn’t admitting anything but Sam could tell, Sam could always tell. 

They’d been calling for Cas for almost a week and received no reply. With the recent upswing in activity from Lucifer Sam feared the worst. Dean refused to voice any of his own worries. 

Sometimes at night Dean would toss and turn in his whiskey induced sleep after hours of calling for the angel. Whenever Sam tried to bring up the thought that Castiel was dead Dean shot him down. 

“I would know Sammy, okay! Just drop it.” 

“But how could you know Dean?!”

“I just would alright, I would know and that’s the end of it, now shut the hell up.” His snarled replies were often followed by a stony silence, staring fixedly on the road vanishing under the Impala’s wheels.

Sam wasn’t sure which idea he liked less, that Dean had an actual connection to a celestial being and may feel it when he died or that Dean was so desperate to believe that Cas was fine that he’d conjured up this magical bond. If Castiel was still alive Sam’s guess was that perhaps in his quest to find God Cas was simply on a different frequency from their world and couldn’t hear them. He hoped. 

That all changed the night they collapsed in another crappy motel after the book convention. 

When you’re Sam and Dean Winchester you get used to shit just popping in on you. But when Dean got smacked with a face full of feathers and Sam immediately felt his hands move to protect his junk at a familiar and annoying voice, they were caught off guard. 

Standing in front of their door with a look of deep annoyance on his face, stood one of the Archangels on their shitlist, Gabriel. And wiggling, flapping, squawking, and thrashing under his arm was Castiel. 

“Hello boys, I brought you a forgive me present.” Gabriel said, turning Castiel around in his arms so he was facing them.

At first the Seraph continued to struggle before stilling quickly and staring at Dean. A wide smile broke across his face and a tremor ran through his body.

“Dean!!!” He hopped upwards, his wings trying to propel him forward but Gabriel grabbed him around the waist again and dug his heels in as the angel created a windstorm in the tiny room trying to get at the elder Winchester. 

“NO! Bad Castiel, no flying!” A spray bottle appeared in Gabriel’s other hand and he sprayed at Cas’s head. The smaller angel squeaked and landed again, fighting back the offending water source. 

Sam was the first to come out of his shock. 

“Gabriel! What the fuck?!” He took a cautious step forward to get a closer look at Castiel’s shocking form. 

“Hey, watch it sasquatch I didn’t do this to him. I found him with a flock of geese in the Himalayas saying they were his brothers and sisters. I’ve been replaced by game fowl.” 

This seemed to shake Dean out of stunned silence enough for him to glare back at the trickster. “Yeah, well at least he got the honking part right.”

Gabriel glared right back and only broke his ‘thinking of all the other ways I could kill you again’ game when Cas finally understood that a better way to stop the water would be to stop the thing controlling it. Thus leading to Gabriel letting out a loud yelp as Castiel bit into his forearm and hung on. 

Gabriel held his arm away from his body and the seraph dangled off it making playful growling sounds as he continued to gnaw on his brother.  
It was then that Dean realized how different he looked, wings being visible aside. He was smaller, Cas must have lost at least 6 inches and he looked skinnier too. 

“You can keep him I’m not taking care of him anymore, one day was long enough” Gabriel’s poker face being occasionally lost to a wince. 

“What happened to him? He looks tiny and why the hell are his wings corporeal?” Sam moved a hand to Cas who smiled up at him and released his brother’s arm to fall back down and chirp. 

“I have no idea. I had been playing around in Northern Europe with some old pals when I began to hear rumors of an odd giant goose flying in the sky that looked occasionally like a human in a trench coat with wings. I certainly expected many things when I began to hunt it down but my baby brother gone crazy and with almost no power to his name was not one of them.” Gabriel gave a worried paternal glance at the small angel now sitting on the floor. 

Dean, Sam, and Gabriel stared in silence at Castiel now playing what looked like peek-a-boo with his wings. 

“I… I can’t fix him. I tried everything I know, even took him to a few other gods and witches. No one knows how he got like that or how to change him back.” Gabriel finally relaxed against the ugly green wallpaper and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I can’t get him to tell me what happened either. Sometimes… sometimes he seems human or at least self-aware. He knows words obviously, names, commands, simple one-word responses. But I can’t get anything useful out of him and then other times, God…other times he acts like an animal. He’ll only make animal sounds or respond with body language, like some weird cat bird thing.”

“He’s completely defenseless, the only bit of grace he has left is what’s keeping his wings on him. And I’m assuming that is also related to why we can see his wings, he just doesn’t have enough power to hide them.” Dean observed as Gabriel moved back over to his brother and began to carefully place a few stuck out feathers back into form, smoothing out the dark mess. 

“If he’s so defenseless why bring him to us? Shouldn’t he be with you or other angels?” Dean said, not taking his eyes off the ruffled black feathers.

“Cas wants to stop the apocalypse, most angels don’t. As well, Luci is now traipsing about up here. I can’t just leave him with anyone. He needs to be with people he trusts and I’m only going to leave him with someone I… kinda trust. Just don’t fuck this up or I’ll drag you both to Hell.” The Archangel bristled as his gaze fell on both of them. 

He kneeled down to Cas and ran his fingers along the arch of a wing again before smiling down. “I’m going to be leaving now okay Castiel. You stay with Sam and Dean and call me if you need me. Be good.” 

Cas looked up at him and smiled with a head tilt before rubbing his cheek against Gabriel’s knee and keening. 

“Yeah I’ll miss you too,” Gabriel stood back up with a sad smile before glaring at the boys again. 

“Call me if you need me and don’t let anything happen to him. I’ll let you know if I find anything.” 

A look of panic passed Deans face. 

“Wait a second, how do we take care of him?! Exactly how human is he and at what estimated age… like are we going to have to bathe him or something?” 

A look of horror crawled up Sam’s face with that one.

 

“I forgot you’d never kept a pet. He’s like a human dog Dean, he doesn’t have a lot of independent control. So yes, you will likely have to bathe him or at least monitor him while he’s bathing. You’re both smart idiots I’m sure you’ll work it out.” With one final snide comment and cocky sneer Gabriel was gone just as quickly as he’d come. Leaving two very dumbstruck Winchesters and a purring angel behind him. 

Both brothers now turned their attention to the fluffy angel sitting on the floor. Cas looked up at them with big eyes and smiled again before crawling over to Dean and rubbing his face against Dean’s calf. Sam chuckled and Dean gave a pained whine while he remained frozen to the spot. 

“What do I do?! Sammy! Stop laughing what do I do? 

Sam just laughed harder. He finally managed to get his breath and looked at Dean through teary eyes. 

“Well I don’t know what you do but… with cats that usually means they like you; that they like you and want attention from you. So I don’t know, do what feels comfortable. Gabriel was grooming him maybe we can touch his wings, maybe he wants to be pet or fed.”

Both were still as the realization of just how weird this whole thing was going to be set in. 

“You try first.” Sam said quickly as Dean began to open his mouth.

The older Winchester gave a pleading look before groaning “I’m gonna kick your ass for this later” and turned his gaze to the angel at his feet.

Cas was now leaning against Dean’s calf and knee. His leg slotting right between the shoulder and neck, placing Cas’s wings almost directly in front of him. 

Timidly Dean reached a hand out to the very top of the arch and brushed a single finger over it. Cas chirped and pressed closer to Dean, then extended his wings back and up; the very tip coming just above Sam’s head in height. 

Both let out a breath they’d been silently holding and Sam gave Dean a weary smile. “Well I guess we know that’s okay, but certain areas could be more sensitive than others so we should still be careful with him.”

Dean was nodding but Sam wasn’t sure if he was really listening to him. Dean’s gaze was focused on the wings and he’d begun to use his whole hand to brush through the feathers. 

“Dean. You okay?” Sam asked moving closer to see his face. 

Dean’s eyes were squinted and he kept running one long primary feather through his hands.

“Yeah, I’m fine it’s just…. I don’t know, this is crazy but, they feel familiar I guess.” 

Sam squinted back at him and cocked an eyebrow

“Like, familiar how? Like any old bird feathers or… like raised you from perdition familiar?” 

Dean made an odd breathy noise and moved his hand back to his side despite Castiels purring. He was silent and still, Sam wasn’t even sure if he was there anymore or if his memory was running back through Hell.

“Yeah, I guess something like that, something like perdition and raising.” 

Sam figured that was all he was going to get as Dean turned from him and collapsed into a chair. Castiel quickly followed and curled towards his legs, intentionally spreading his wings towards Dean. 

“So, how is this going to work, we can’t take him outside like that but I don’t know how he’ll be alone. If two year olds can figure out how to open doors and pick up things I’m sure he can. And if his grace is really that weak then doesn’t that mean he’s mortal too?” Sam sat down on a bed opposite Dean and ran his hands together, his mind starting to race with how absolutely terrible this could turn out. 

“Dude. We have a shit ton of knives and guns he could hurt himself with, how are we supposed to do this?” 

Dean was starting to appear more panicked and his hands shook before he began to run them back through Cas’s wings, the motion seeming to calm him. 

“Well I guess we’re going to have to do this like Dad did.” 

Dean’s eyes shot up at him in confusion on that one. 

“What does that even mean? Dad usually had me stay with you.”

“That’s what I mean Dean, dad had you watch me because there was no one else who could. He trusted you with me. We travel a lot and Gabriel was right, he clearly needs to be with people he trusts. We can’t just ditch him a Bobby’s or lock him in a room. He won’t understand he’ll think we’re leaving him there. Someone has to stay with him constantly.” 

Dean’s hands stilled and his lips thinned out in an annoyed line. 

“I get it someone has to watch him, but why exactly are you looking at me like that?” 

Sam huffed “Dean, he hasn’t approached me once. He smiled at me once but other than that he clearly prefers you.”

“Wait, are you jealous?” 

“Of course not, your mister ‘I would know if he died’. And he did save you from Hell. It makes sense that he’s more comfortable with you. I’m just trying to make you get this. If he does prefer to stay with you that means whenever we find new hunts we’ll drive there together get a hotel room together but I’ll be the one hunting. And you’ll stay here with Cas.” 

“You are not turning me into a house wife! Sam, if I stay with him all the time that means I’m the one whose going to have to bathe him or feed him or God knows what else!”

“Dean, you used to help me with that stuff all the time when I was kid!”

“That was different. You’re my brother and you were a baby. This is Castiel, angel of the lord and soldier in Jimmy Novak’s body. You can’t seriously think I’m just gonna scrub the guy up in the shower do you?!

Dean had never seen Sam’s bitch face turned on to a higher voltage.


	2. Wash the sins from this one and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Katie for the beta work and helping with the wonderful torture scene!! (what?! wonderful?) Major depictions of violence, as in Hell violence this chapter so when we hit the dream sequence you may wanna skedaddle a few paragraphs farther down if that will trigger you. I also wanted to confirm this WILL be turning into a master/pet fic. Imagine all those cliche destiel fics where angels become pets for mankind. It's like that except Cas is the only one and only for Dean :) Let me know what you think so far.

Dean yielded, his weakness to the legendary bitchface well known to his little brother. He would always play Sammy as the more ‘emotionally sensitive’ Winchester but he himself was perfectly capable of looking after someone (he did it for Sam didn’t he), while Sam…not so much. 

When Sam left to pick them up some grub at a local diner Dean moved to groom Cas’s wings. The tattered feather’s sickly sheen had been worrying him, and the guise of fixing an ill helped keep Dean in safe emotional territory. That is soothed the nervous angel was just a bonus.

After Gabe’s departure Cas had gotten steadily more fidgety. He would pace, look out the window with a concerned face, or be constantly under Dean’s feet. But touching his wings would make him pause. Cas would freeze in place and stretch his wings out asking for more, the occasional touch making him shudder almost violently under Dean’s hands. 

So Dean sat on the bed with Cas on the floor between his legs as he maneuvered his fingers along every individual feather. They had been like this for twenty minutes and Dean could hear them breathing together. Long deep breathes that made him miss sleeping in and lazy morning make outs with cute girls. 

He closed his eyes and focused on that feeling, on comfort and soft feathers and warmth. He daydreamed next to Cas. He thought about summer flings and whispering lips or the color of the sky when they had to drive till dawn, he’d always thought that was the most captivating shade of blue. 

Something was always seething just behind those thoughts and it would yank Dean back with the same jolt of missing a chair. He knew it was Hell, it would always be Hell. It was with him at night, with him while he hunted, ate, and pissed. So of course when he finds something that can give him real peace Hell would worm its way in there too. 

He recognized the feeling of Castiel’s feathers from when he’d saved him in the pit. He remembered grabbing onto them, the smell of them burning if Cas slowed down too much, the way they wrapped around him when demons would try to attack them. It hurt to remember and the more he touched the more he could recall, but it was worth it for those beautiful moments of stillness and breathing; worth every lick of fire or gouging wound to look longer as the sky bled from midnight to royal blue. 

When Sam came in he gripped Cas’s wings so hard the poor thing yelped and leapt away, angry wings bashing Dean in the head a few times before retreating to the closet. 

“Thanks for that, I’d had them completely fixed now he’s going to ruffle them all out of place again.” Dean sighed and grabbed a beer before Sam could even get them to the fridge. 

“Don’t just leave him in the closet Dean!” Sam laughed putting the food down and distributing plastic silver wear. 

“Don’t worry, he’ll come out once he smells food. Honestly I think part of the reason he’s gotten so skinny is cause Gabriel forgot to feed him.” 

Dean sat down next to Sam and opened his own meal while surreptitiously eyeing the pie. Sure enough when they’d put Cas’s burger on a plate the little guy had started slinking his way over. He kneeled by the table and began to pull the burger down to himself before Dean snatched it back, much to Cas’s immediate distress. 

“Oh no, you know how to sit in a chair, I’m not about to just let you eat on the floor like a dog. If you are still in there you’d never forgive me if I did, so get up.” 

The Seraph growled and eyed his burger again before looking between Dean, the chair, and the closet. 

Before he could decide which would be an easier battle Dean was behind him lifting him up under his armpits. Cas squealed and thrashed briefly as Dean held him to the chair with one arm. God Cas had gotten weak and Dean had to remind himself not to press too hard on the angel’s shoulders. 

“Easy! Hey, easy! Listen to me, Cas look at me.” Dean ordered while waiting out the tantrum. 

Cas paused and met Dean’s eyes, giving him just what he needed. He brought the burger back into view and pulled his chair closer with his foot. 

“Cas, come on man I wanna let you eat and I wanna eat. So can you do me a favor and sit in the chair? I promise to stay right here and I’ll even share my French fries with you when you finish yours. I bet you didn’t eat much with Gabriel did you? Are you real hungry?”

Cas’s eyes turned down a little before he gave a nod. He looked back up to examine his plate as Dean put his burger down and dished out some fries. 

Sure enough, once his food was in front of him Cas forgot he was even in a chair, wolfing food down so fast Dean nervously eyed him like he may choke. 

Sam watched all of this with a smile on his face. 

“What’re you so happy about?” Dean mumbled through a bite of steak burger. 

“It’s just funny to see you like this. I never got to be the observer; I was always the one you were caring for. You really have a talent for this.”

“Can we not discuss how amazing I am at being a mom right now, I’m trying to eat here.” 

Sam chuckled and grinned wider

“I’m just saying… I think Cas is in good hands.” 

Dean blinked up and looked at Sam wide eyed for a moment, letting the compliment sink in. The moment ended when he looked away to take a large swig of beer. 

Sam smiled again later when Cas leaned against Dean while he ate, and Dean let him. 

They spent the rest of the night in easy silence. Sam was on the computer looking for possible hunts and Dean watched TV while running his fingers along Castiel’s wings, finally lulling the angel into sleep in his makeshift nest next to Dean’s bed. 

In whispered voices they discussed their situation, talked about Cas and what he would need, about what they would do if Dean absolutely had to help with a hunt. Gabriel had appeared willing to aid them so they figured he was their best bet and Sam could take a few shifts sometimes so that Dean didn’t get cabin fever. 

Later they talked about Crowley and finding the Colt. Then they argued about how they were going to handle that one man down. Sam suggested Bobby and Jo, maybe Ellen. 

Dean made a hard argument for forcing Gabriel to help in return for watching over Castiel, and it eventually ended in an exhausted truce to continue the discussion on the road tomorrow. Both collapsing into bed frustrated, afraid, and tired. 

~~~~~

Dean had foreseen a higher chance for dreams of Hell after the day he’d had, walking through all those memories plus the added stress of a debilitated angel under his care. 

But this one probably topped the charts for him. 

It started with pain. Not his this time (never were for the worst). He was torturing another soul, a sin he would never forgive himself for.

There was a woman pinned to the rack this time, blood slicking the restraints from her struggles. Her efforts had died down, but her body still shook and sobs still dribbled from her throat. 

Choked sobs were abandoned for a rasping orchestra of screams as the white-hot poker sunk into her abdomen. Flesh smoked and sizzled as he dug the metal deeper, twisting it to a new angle, curious to see where it would emerge; the best anatomy lessons were hands on. 

It was an idle curiosity, her screams were no longer amusing, she’d stopped talking days ago, and his shift was near over. He really just wanted to finish up with her and move onto the next one. 

Alistair would be so disappointed in him right now. He always lectured on torturing with feeling, never half ass it, kinda like his dad would say. 

He’d screwed her up pretty well but he hadn’t gone plastic surgery on her face yet. She wasn’t particularly pretty so he figured she wasn’t the vain type. The pretty ones always screamed the loudest when you tore up their faces, it was like they didn’t realize where they were; no one cares how ugly you are in Hell.

Dean tilted his head, contemplating his next play as the poker finally thrust out from the thin strip of flesh between her vagina and ass, white hot tip of the poker glowing in a sick parody of birth. Her screams had died again, so he twisted the poker to renew them. Struck by a sudden idea, he unceremoniously yanked the metal from her body.

He picked up a can of oil and poured it around her head, not touching her flesh but haloing her skull. 

The meat hooks in her flesh clanked ominously, and he paused in his work, expecting her to be dragged back to the waiting. The pause gave her hope, and she tried to plead mercy with her eyes.

Nothing happened, and he gave a low chuff of annoyance and lit a match, the briefest image of burning graves and the feel of salt chafed fingers flickering behind his eyes.

Dean blinked in bewilderment when a look of utter peace crossed his victim’s features and jerked back as a giant of blue and silver fire appeared between him and the girl. When he looked up he could see the pattern of wings, the magnificent glow painful to look at but refreshing like the coolest, cleanest water imaginable. 

Golden symbols and words danced around the massive skeletal figure and bright soft light bled out from every bony gap. 

It spoke to him as he quivered on the floor, words he could not recognize yet somehow understood coming out from the massive head. It had no shape, just more of that light surrounded by quartz forming the outline of a mouth and eye sockets. At what would be the crown of the head three opal white horns twisted up, intertwining, before traveling down and back like a spinal cord. 

A giant flying beast covered in bone, metal, and rock. 

For the first time in years he felt fear unlike any before as the creatures gaze found him. Those eyes punctured his shriveling soul and made Dean feel the rawness of his quilt. In the forty years of Dean’s time in Hell he finally began to feel again, something other than pain and anger, but hope, love, and forgiveness. It hurt because he didn’t want to receive it, but like an animal trapped in the dark he couldn’t help but move to the light. 

Soothing power wrapped around him as he fell towards the being and that was when Dean woke up. 

He didn’t wake up screaming, he’d gotten too good at hiding these dreams from Sam for that. But he did inhale quickly an almost gasp resting at the tip of his teeth.  
He was hot and sweaty and immediately began to kick off a few layers of sheets, but the texture resting warmly against his skin gave him pause. 

His hands guided him through the darkness as he felt out the image of Castiel’s wings draped across him, soft and smooth, smelling of ginger and cold wind. 

He pressed back a few inches before being stopped by the warm flesh lying next to him. If he was quiet enough he could just make out the soft puff of air leaving Castiel’s lips.

He stiffened a little, uncertain of whether this was okay. It was a rather pet like behavior wanting to sleep on the bed. He and Sammy had certainly shared beds when they were kids. He just didn’t want to deal with Sam’s annoying looks for letting Cas sleep with him. 

But on the one hand, it wasn’t like Cas was naked. Dean had encouraged him out of his shoes, pants, jacket and tie before bed but kept on in his shirt and briefs. Dean hardly felt like there was anything sexual about the experience, Cas probably just got cold. 

There was this part of Dean that hoped though that maybe this meant something more. He knew he probably thrashed in his sleep, probably cried out sometimes. He knew that Cas had helped keep the nightmares at bay once, maybe that’s what he’d been trying to do now. Maybe there was still some small part of Cas still in there that remembers. 

Dean sighed and pulled the wing closer before letting the sound of his brother and his angel breathing encourage him to sleep again.


	3. Comfort and common courtesies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Katie again! 
> 
> Sorry this ones kinda late, also 4 is almost done. Thank you for reading!

That morning Dean woke up to the angel rather aggressively sniffing his hair. When he immediately tensed Cas moved his cheek down to Deans bare shoulder blades and began to rub his cheek fuzz against the skin. 

Dean couldn’t deny the surprised yelp he let out at the prickly and itchy feeling running along his naked back. 

Sam’s head popped out from the bathroom.

“Everything okay Dean?” Sam called over the sound of the faucet running. 

“Yeah, it’s all good.” Dean grumped back as he pushed the sheets and wings off him and began to disentangle himself from Cas. 

The angel hissed and immediately covered himself back up in the warm sheets. 

“I don’t wanna hear it, you’re the one that woke me up.” Dean groused, attempting to yank the covers off Cas. 

“Awww, he missed you in the night and got snuggly with you in bed. He really is like a big pet dog or something.” Sam commented while leaving the bathroom and fishing for a shirt in his bag. 

Dean hesitated on his retort and thought about last night, thought about how he’d stopped dreaming once Cas got in bed with him. He managed to get Cas up and used that as a distraction as he avoided Sam’s gaze. There wasn’t much to tell anyway, having another person in bed with him had probably just kept him from sleeping soundly enough to dream. 

“We did not get ‘snuggly’ last night.” Dean glowered towards Sam before opening the bathroom and herding Cas inside. 

“Are you gonna need any help with him?” Sam offered 

“Nah, I figure if I just show him what to do he may mimic me, this shouldn’t be too hard.”

Dean was wrong

He’d briefly bathed himself to show Cas what you do under the shower and Cas did seem excited to get under the water. But the minute he was actually in there he just sat down under the warm spray and flapped his wings against himself, Dean was certain he’d never seen a more water soaked bathroom after that. 

Cas just didn’t understand soap or scrubbing and as much as it peeved him Dean finally got in the shower behind the angel and soaped him up. Castiel seemed to enjoy that, he chirped occasionally and Dean could feel the purr in Cas’s back travel into his chest as the angel rested against him. 

“You could help by keeping yourself up, you may be smaller but your wings weigh a shit ton!” Dean sighed as he struggled to position Cas at an angle that worked. 

He ended up going with sitting them both down under the shower spray with Cas between his legs, although this was definitely more awkward for Dean. He wasn’t sure if Cas even knew what he was doing but whenever he would begin to slide down Dean’s chest he would wiggle back up, pressing right against Deans now curious cock. 

Dean took big gulping breathes in between scrubbing Cas’s thighs and chest ‘do not think about it. Do not think about it. Do not think about it! Oh my God he’s doing it again! Stay still and just breath this will all be over soon!’ Dean internally chanted to himself every time the warm body pressed back against him. 

Dean cleared his throat and moved his fingers through Cas’s hair as the final bits of soap and suds glided down the drain. 

“Alright, I think you’re all set…” Dean quickly pulled himself out from behind Castiel and stepped out onto the damp floor, immediately trying to hide his half hard dick in a towel. It took Dean a moment to realize the warmth on his thigh was Cas’s hand. 

“Cas?... what are you doing?” Dean looked down at the soaked angel kneeling in the tub in front of him. Cas’s eyes were doing that squinty thing Dean was so familiar with; it almost knocked Dean back how like the old Castiel he looked right now. 

The awkwardness in the room only escalated as Dean realized he was still standing in front of Cas with his junk only partially covered and the smaller mans hands pressing against his thighs and staring right at the bulge. 

Dean attempted again to cover himself and things just got worse when Cas looked up to meet his eyes with a smile and began to move his hands farther along Dean’s thighs.

“No no no!” Dean quickly backed up out of Castiel’s reach and swung a towel around his waist. 

Cas frowned and tilted his head in that oh so familiar way to make Dean blush in shame for even getting a hard on in the first place. Dean huffed and yanked another towel off the rack. 

“Please just get out of the tub Cas.” Dean whined, looking away bashfully when Cas lifted up bare in front of the other man. The angel’s eyes dropped as he made his way out of the tub. Cas shook his wings free of more water and then shuffled awkwardly on his feet, uncertain what reaction he would get by approaching Dean again. 

When Dean wrapped the towel around him and began to rub him dry Cas shivered and stayed stock still with only a little whine escaping his clenched lips as Dean looked up to finally meet his eyes. 

“Here” Dean handed him some of his own kinda clean jeans and a t-shirt. 

“Can you dress yourself?” Cas gave a stiff nod once and took the clothes. 

“Come out when you’re finished and we’ll get going” Dean turned and stiffly left the bathroom, grateful that Sam had run out to get breakfast for them so he wouldn’t have to hide the odd shape in his towel. 

Dean closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed with a ragged sigh. He looked at the annoying organ between his legs and glowered at it. “What the fuck was that about?” 

He debated if he needed to rub one out before they got on the road or if this was the type that would just die off on its own. The last thing he needed was to be sexually frustrated in the car all day, while driving, and with Cas giving him those ‘why were you mean to me?’ eyes in the mirror from the back seat the whole way. 

God he felt like he’d kicked a puppy. But there was no way Cas knew what he was doing or even understood what… Dean gave a frustrated growl and hulled himself off the bed to get dressed. Screw it, he wasn’t some teenager that couldn’t get over a spontaneous hard on. 

Cas eventually left the bathroom, the shirt was on backwards, but at least he got everything through the right hole. 

Cas wouldn’t even look at him as Dean passed to enter the bathroom to finish up and once again Dean was filled with that dread like he’d just done something terribly wrong or insensitive. 

He finished up but he could tell Sam wasn’t back yet so he wasted time by cleaning up the water sprayed everywhere. Locking himself in the bathroom like some cowardly high school boy who didn’t know how to apologize… or what to be apologizing for to be honest. 

He ran out of things to do, running his hands over his face and groaning silently in defeat, he finally grabbed their dopp kits and unlocked the door. 

Cas had moved a chair in front of a window and had his chin resting on the sill. His eyes flicked back and forth before darting up to whatever he was watching through the window. 

Dean cleared his throat but the angel didn’t seem interested in looking at him, although Dean did notice how his wings pulled in tighter and the feathers restricted more. He stepped closer and rocked on his feet.

“Cas…” the angel slowly straightened his back and turned to face Dean. Although his face was masked with placidity Dean could see the hesitant fear in his blue eyes. 

“Cas did you know what…” 

“Hey guys, got the food, we ready to head out? Cause I just had the weirdest encounter of my life.” 

Dean looked up at Sam when he entered but when he looked back to Cas the angel had moved farther away and was running another towel along his still damp feathers. 

“Yeah, we’re ready. What happened?” Dean responded while grabbing a donut from Sam and stuffing it in his mouth. 

“Uhhh, well I bumped into Gabriel…” Cas and Dean both looked up at Sam but Castiel’s face held a smile as he chirped out his brother’s name in joy. 

Dean’s mouth still full, Sam continued. 

“He just wanted to let me know that he still had no idea what had happened but he suspected it may indicate the Castiel was getting close to God. That maybe to punish Cas for trying to interfere he… did this to him.” Sam looked to Cas with pity as Dean finally found his voice.

“So… what the hell do we do then? How do you reverse God’s powers?” Dean’s brow was furrowed in frustration until Sam’s look of pity found him.

“You don’t Dean, you don’t reverse God’s commands… Cas will stay like this forever or at least until God changes his mind.” Sam could see Dean about to blow; he quickly threw his hands up and backed away.

“Those were Gabriel’s words, not mine, but he said he’d keep looking. I mentioned what you said last night… about us needing help and how he owes us for watching Cas. Not that we wouldn’t have done it for free!” Sam added quickly towards the angel “I mentioned Crowley and the Colt, he said he’d look into for us… not sure how much of that we can take as honesty from him, but it’s a start right?” 

Dean had been staring at Cas and when Sam directed his question to him Dean just wrinkled his brows deeper. Cas turned and gazed back just as pointedly, but there was something new in the look, something like a challenge or plea. 

“Yeah, I guess it’s a start. Eat up Sammy, I’ll put our gear in the car.” 

Dean shot up quickly, wiping donut crumbs off his shirt as he grabbed a few bags and the keys. The thin motel door made a staggeringly loud slam behind him. 

Sam raised an eyebrow before looking back at Cas whose wings were quivering from the sound. “You have any idea what that was about?” Sam questioned in a conversational manner. He didn’t expect a vocal response from the angel but talking to him like he was the old Cas made Sam feel better. 

The angel cocked his head and whined before turning to stare back out the window. Sam sighed and put the donuts down on the table, opening the box for Cas and taking jelly filled for himself. 

“Yeah, me neither. But I bet he’s gonna have a big religious round-about if… your dad really did that this to you.” Sam met Cas’s eyes and tried to look for any sign of understanding; some kind of hint or guidance to help them figure this out what to.

But the angel only blankly met his stare and reached for a Boston cream donut, squeaking in pleasure when he found the milky center. 

Sam huffed and rubbed his neck; they were in so far over their heads.


	4. One is Silver and the other Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Kate! Sorry this one's a little late but 5 is done and edited, just gotta look over it another time but it should be up tonight. Thank you for reading and let me know what you think so far!! Man slow builds are hard!

Maybe Dean should have taken care of this hard on when he had the chance. The past three hours had been uncomfortable enough with Cas avoiding his gaze in the mirror and Sam exchanging awkward phone calls with Gabriel. When the hell did that creep get Sammy’s number anyway? 

“So Gabriel found Crowley’s house but he won’t help with actually getting the Colt. We shouldn’t have too much trouble though; he gave me a pretty accurate picture of the place and security. Getting in won’t be hard and neither will killing the guards but….”

“But Crowley isn’t the type to just hand over a weapon like that.” 

“Exactly. We should be prepared for a big fight with him or maybe just have something to trade?” Sam lowered his voice a little on that one and with good reason as Dean shot him a judgmental glare. 

“We are not trading with a demon. We kill his guards, kill him, take the Colt, and kill Lucifer. That’s the whole plan right there.” Dean snapped his fingers twitched to turn the music up to end the conversation. 

“I know that Dean, but Crowley is the king of the Crossroads, who knows what kind of powers or protections he could have at his disposal? I just think… we should be prepared for anything.” 

Sam sighed and Dean finally gave in and turned the music up, looking back in the mirror to discover Cas had been watching him. He locked eyes with the angel and it wasn’t till Sam mumbled for Dean to watch the road that he looked away. 

There was no way he was going to let Castiel be stuck like this. 

 

Another argument broke out when they checked into a motel near the Roadhouse. They’d called ahead and decided they could use Jo’s help on this one, but when Dean tried to incorporate himself into that plan, Sam had shot him down.

“Dean, this is exactly what I was talking about. You absolutely have to stay with Cas. Jo and I can handle this and if something goes really wrong I can always call Gabriel.” 

Dean lifted a shocked eyebrow towards his brother, making Sam roll his eyes.

“Call Gabriel?! What is that supposed to mean, that ass can’t be relied on for anything. You aren’t seriously trying to make me feel better about this by saying you’re stuck with his ‘help’, are you?” 

“Dean, he told me he’s tuned into us now, the same way Cas used to be, he’ll hear when we call. He feels bad about just leaving his brother with us and although he isn’t going to just help us kill Lucifer he is willing to help keep us alive. He’s pretty much all we have right now and we should be grateful to even have an Archangel interested in helping!”

“Maybe you’ve forgotten, this is the guy that trapped us in a television world and had you strapped to the nutcracker.” Dean reminded him with a deadpan stare as he began to disassemble a gun. “And killed me a few hundred times.” 

“Yea, and maybe you’ve forgotten just what it is we’re up against and how much the tides have changed now that Castiel is out of the game and under our protection. We had an angel under our belt and then we lost him. Now we have an Archangel willing to help us and you really want to turn down that offer?!

“We made a promise, to protect Castiel for Gabriel. You said you would be willing to take care of him and stay behind on hunts, you knew how much of a sacrifice that would be. This isn’t some problem you can just ignore for a few days and then pick back up right where you left. He can’t stay at the Roadhouse, he would be a hindrance to Bobby, and we sure as hell aren’t leaving him with some… I don’t know, supernatural sitter. That leaves you Dean.”

Sam was out of breath and Dean could tell he wasn’t going to win this argument either. He wanted to protect Cas, hell sometimes when he’d catch glimpses of just how vulnerable he was Dean wanted to lock him up in Bobby’s panic room and personally guard the door. But he also wanted to protect his brother. He knew how hard this was for Sammy, no matter what he said. Knew how much he blamed himself and how afraid he really was. Dean didn’t think he could honestly sit back and let his brother face down Lucifer by himself. 

“Sam, this is Lucifer, the guy that wants to wear you around like a new leather jacket. I have to be there, I have to have your back. I trust Ellen and Jo and sure, lets add Gabriel into this equation. But the only way I’m going to feel like you’re safe is if I’m there with you.” Dean had stood up and crossed his arms over his puffed up chest, ready to go toe to toe on this one. 

“And whose going to have his back Dean?” Sam stepped aside and waved an arm towards the closet where Cas was cowering. 

The yelling made the small angel nervous and agitated, the tips of his wings jutted out from behind the door, clearly quivering and bristled; Dean’s angry reflection looking back accusingly at him from the mirror door. 

“You ok with locking him in an apartment for days? Leaving food and water in a bowl for him like some dog. He wont be able to communicate with us since there is no way he could figure out a phone; I’m sure that will really put him at ease. By the time we get back we’d be lucky if he’d just picked out all his feathers instead of oh, maybe drowned in the tub.

“And what if something happened to us? We’re gone for a few days to get the Cult and find Lucifer but we both die, maybe Gabriel gets killed too, Lucifer isn’t going to be too happy to hear that his brother helped us. What happens to Cas then? Some cleaning lady finds a weak defenseless angel in our room, or maybe he gets out but a demon finds him, or maybe he just starves to death!” 

“OK! I fucking get it, alright!” Dean roared and balled his fists against his head like he was trying to ignore an incoming migraine. Over Dean’s heavy groan both could hear the tiniest whimper from the angel in the closet. 

Dean collapsed back onto the bed and dropped his head in his hands in defeat. “Come here Cas,” Dean mumbled into his palm.

The angel’s wings stilled and Dean could see him shift inside the closet, but still he did not leave. 

“I’m so sorry Cas, I didn’t mean to yell, please come out?” Dean asked again, a whine leaking into his throat as the words left his mouth.

This time Cas did slowly move out, he peered nervously from the door before slowly crawling to Dean’s feet and resting his head on the bed next to Dean’s thigh, laying a wing across Deans lap. He stared up at him with a timid eye, like at any minute Dean would snap again. 

Damn, Dean remembered giving his father those looks sometimes. 

He laid a hand on Cas’s wing and started running his fingers threw the feathers again, sighing when Cas relaxed against him and almost immediately began to vibrate with a purr. Already forgiven and forgotten, something Cas was always good at with him, even when Dean didn’t think he deserved it.

“Ok Sammy. You go and get the gun, kill Lucifer. I’ll stay and watch Cas.” 

Dean’s response was so low Sam almost missed it. But he’d heard enough to know they weren’t likely to have this argument again, and Sam was glad for it. As much as he wanted Cas protected, and wanted to redeem himself by killing Lucifer, he didn’t like the idea of not having his big brother at his back. If Cas wasn’t an element in this, Sam knew he would have given in to Dean’s demands. 

Sam shuffled awkwardly on his feet for a moment, trying to find the right words to say as the angel and his brother exchanged some sort of profound understanding that Sam could never comprehend.

“It’ll be fine Dean, you’ll see.” Sam turned and left for the bathroom thinking about how at least if he died Dean would always have Cas. 

The door clicked shut when Sam left and Dean finally closed his eyes and fell back onto the bed, the angel wing across his lap like a heating blanket. He shifted his head to the side and looked back down at Cas.

“You know this isn’t all bout you. I want you safe and I’m going to protect you the same way you’ve always watched out for Sammy and me. I don’t want to kick you to the curve or ditch you with someone else.”

Cas tilted his head before pressing his nose between Deans knee and bed, a muffled chirp pressing against the rough denim. 

Dean rolled his eyes and brought his hand into the feathers again. “It’s just so much more complicated with Sam, he’s my brother, I’ve been protecting him his whole life… I can’t just give that up. I’m just telling you this because, well, when shit hits the fan I’m not gonna be the best person to be around. I know right now I’m all gentle hands and sharing French fries but that’ll probably change.”

Cas looked back up at Dean with a peeved expression and Dean laughed at how like the old Castiel that was. He could even hear him in his head ‘yes Dean, I know all about you. The drinking and the cursing and throwing objects and emotional rollercoaster that is Dean Winchester. I put you back together remember, now how about my turn?’

Dean relaxed back and let the rest of his laughter leaving him chuckling and bouncing on mattress before sighing and closing his eyes. Basking himself in the engulfing warmth of the wing in his lap and the angel pressed to his leg. He lay there for a while and almost dozed off before his eyes shot open and he jerked up onto his arms to meet Cas’s startled gaze. 

“How the hell am I going to leave to get us food when it’s just the two of us?!” 

Cas stared wide-eyed at him for a moment before cocking his head. Unimpressed by Deans obvious distress he jumped over to the table and immediately sat down in a chair with his legs crossed under him. “Food!” he chirped at the oldest Winchester. 

Dean groaned and fell back down on the bed, throwing his arms over his face as he hollered for his brother. “Sammy! Cas is hungry again! You want to go get it or should I?”


	5. Do you like what you see in the mirror?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you kate for the beta and thank you all for reading and commenting!! Hope you like this chapter, things should start getting interesting now that Sam's on the road ;)

“So Gabriel really thinks God did this to Castiel?” Jo whispered to Sam as Dean sat across from the angel over the remains of their dinner. Jo had arrived to pick up Sam a few minutes ago and he was giving her the quick version of what they knew. 

As he’d initially begun the story he could see her tense up and hide a gasp behind thinned lips. Castiel had been a friend to all of them and the idea that God, his own father, who didn’t seem to care enough to stop the apocalypse, had done this to him was sometimes a staggering idea to grasp. 

When Jo had first come to the door Cas had hidden in the closet again, but when she’d finally entered and met his gaze the timid angel had smiled and wrapped her in a warm hug, feathers and all. As she’d begun to understand more of his condition Sam had glimpsed the tiniest swell of tears in her eyes before she batted them away. 

“Damn, this is… I understand what you meant now, about Dean needing to stay behind. I can’t imagine what he must be going through, especially if he’s still self-aware. Stuck in his mind and unable to communicate normally or use his powers.” 

Sam nodded once and swung his bag over his shoulder while Jo carried a bag with the select weapons he’d chosen to bring. 

“Alright Dean, Cas, we’re heading out.” Sam spoke on his way to the door. Dean had looked up and met his brother’s stare before turning quickly to Jo and cracking an easy smile. 

“Don’t let him boss you around, he only acts like he knows what he’s doing.” Jo smiled at that and stood awkwardly in place. She felt like this was the moment people should be hugging, wasn’t that what a person normally did when they may be about to face a life or death mission? 

But Sam stood by the door and rearranged the bag on his shoulder, keeping the smile on his face from Dean’s previous crack at him. Jo then looked to Cas who was staring at her with a frown, she decided that even if the boys weren’t going to hug or shake hands or acknowledge that this could be some type of a goodbye that didn’t mean she had to. 

She smiled at the pouting angel “Cas?” she asked as she opened her arms. The angel chirped and went willingly to her, holding her in the softest cocoon she would ever know. “Bye” she whispered against his shoulder, “Bye” he said back. 

When she pulled back from him she looked to Dean who quickly returned his focus to the French fries in front of him. She wanted to hug him, wanted to knock him over the head for acting so childish about this whole thing. But he was so stiff and Sam was beginning to open the door and asking her to help him with a bag that she knew he could manage perfectly well. So she smiled at him again, hefted her bag back onto her shoulder, and wondered what she had ever done wrong with him.

“We’ll call you once we get the colt” Sam said with a small wave before the door clicked softly shut behind him. 

Soon after the sound of slamming car doors and purr of an engine followed through the thin motel walls before fading quickly away. Only then did Dean truly seem to relax. 

Dean sighed and played with the fry in his hand, dragging it through a red trail of ketchup before adding it to the ‘too soggy to eat’ pile. He looked back up at Cas who was observing him, most of his own food gone, Dean sighed more dramatically and pushed his food away.

“You done eating?” he asked, Cas gave a solid single nod.

“Yeah, me too. Well, it’s just you and me now, so what do you wanna do? I think there’s supposed to be a game on tonight, you know anything bout football?” Dean got another beer from the mini-fridge then snagged the remote and flicked on the television. He hopped casually down on the bed and began to take his shoes off. 

Cas gave a non-committal shrug and copied Dean’s behavior, tangling his fingers in his shoelaces before finally tugging them off. He rested on his stomach on the other bed and extended a wing across the gap to Dean. The dark tips brushed against Dean’s shoulder and abdomen before settling next to him. 

Dean had gotten so used to this contact during so short a time. It had only been two days but maintaining contact with Cas now seemed like a daily requirement, like breathing or eating. He didn’t mind it though. On the contrary, it felt unusual if Cas was near him but not trying to offer him a wing. 

Sometimes it was because Cas wanted to be groomed or just feel Dean petting him, those were always obvious because Cas would repeatedly nudge the thick radial arch at him till he complied. Other times were unpredictable. Dean knew Cas was observant, if Dean so much as shivered Cas would subtly press a warm wing against him. Times like these though, Dean assumed were just for the angel’s comfort. 

Cas wasn’t an idiot, he knew Sam was gone doing something important, probably even knew the apocalypse was still an issue. He was probably kinda freaked out right now, and hell, if Dean was completely honest with himself he was hardly the picture of peace and happiness.

So Dean took another swig of his beer, turned on a game, and leaned gingerly against the wing beside him. 

About six beers later the game had somehow turned to a National Geographic special on the domestication of cats and Dean had started talking.

“Your brother had better have Sammy’s back, and m’not even sure how I feel about that idea! Mean, the guy clearly prefers talking to Sam and I feel like Sam’s this little kid gettin wayyy in over his head you know? I mean, he already gave the guy his phone number… I thought I taught him to fight it out longer than that?” 

Cas tore his eyes away from the mother lion and house cat both carrying their cubs the same way to give Dean an exasperated but curious glance. 

“Such is the life of hunters though, don’t have time for romance or commitment. Someone seems interested, you’re interested back and you just gotta let it happen. But you aren’t supposed to give’m your real number.”

Cas was blatantly staring at Dean with squinted eyes and parted lips like he was trying to form a question. 

“But Gabriel’s good guy now I guess, it’s better that they talk on the phone instead of the guy poppin in on us all the time. I feel like he would be the type to show up on you while you’re in the shower or something. And he’s helping us, still doesn’t mean I gotta like the idea of him being around Sammy without me there to keep him in check. Archangel my ass if he tries something.”

Cas huffed next to him and turned his attention back to the T.V. For a while Dean was quiet again, the only sound coming from him being the occasional kissing sound as he took another swig from a beer. Then Cas began to feel the slightest tremors running along Dean’s body and into the angel’s wing. 

“I’m so sorry Cas. Sorry I can’t fix you, don’t know what’s wrong with you or who did this to you” Dean let his head collapse into his hands and the empty beer bottle fall to the floor. “Can’t even do this right. You made it seem so easy, the way you talked about putting me back together. I wish I knew how, I would give anything to bring you back to normal, I’m sorry we’re stuck in this damn motel room and I’m sorry I’m so goddamn useless to you right now.” 

Cas was stiff on the bed but Dean felt the slight push as he tried to awkwardly rub his wing along Dean back. The feathers rasped against the fabric and tickled the skin on Dean’s shoulders and neck. God, even after all of this the angel was still comforting him. Dean had never felt quite like this before. Sometimes when he watched Sammy as a kid he felt like he could have tried harder, but this whole thing was just a giant pit that pulled him down harder than he could push back up. 

The high-pitched laugh that choked out of Dean’s mouth made the angel flinch but it didn’t matter. Dean got up stiffly from the bed and walked to the bathroom. Cas could hear the water running and he fumbled with the remote before he got lucky and turned the television off. 

Cas moved from his bed to Deans and tucked his wings in close to himself as he perched on the edge, trying to appear even smaller so Dean would know how little space he could take up. 

But when Dean left the bathroom in only his shirt and briefs he sighed as he eyed the angel. 

“No Cas, you got your own bed.” Dean pointed to the opposite bed and began to tug down its covers, once again pointing with purpose to the bed. He stood like a soldier following orders until Cas finally got up and wormed under the blankets, once again avoiding Dean’s eyes. Dean narrowly evaded the urge to tuck him in. 

Dean practically collapsed into his own bed. He only just got the covers over himself before deciding he was too tired to really give a damn. 

“Night, Cas” Dean groaned against the pillow.

“Night” Cas breathed back as he watched Dean fall asleep.

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬  
This nightmare was just pain.

No talking or violation or destroying others, it was all Dean and all agony. He was so far into he couldn’t even tell what was bleeding anymore, everything was sensitive like he had been skinned, nerves exposed to all and sundry. In fact he might be. 

It wasn’t Alistair this time, which wasn’t much of a reprieve. At least Alistair would talk a lot and be distracting, this person was just tormenter number whatever. He didn’t talk and he didn’t have a technique. Dean assumed he was new, not that it mattered. He didn’t have the finesse that soon to be demons acquired and clearly didn’t know much about human anatomy. 

Everything still hurt and Dean still screamed and cried and fought but it was depressing how aware he was that he could have gotten much worse. 

His tormentor was starting to breath heavy, his eyes shifting side to side like someone down here was judging him. Congratulations! You’re on America’s “So you think you can torture!” Jesus fucking Christ Dean hated the new ones. 

He managed to look past the blood flowing over his eyes to see the guy pick up your simple everyday hammer and Dean felt a whine building in his chest. He hated blunt pain. Dean tended to do much better with the sharper or fast pain, so brutal deep and clean that his body could numb enough of it away to maybe keep from screaming. 

But blunt pain lasted the longest because it was almost always only internal damage, his insides riddled with bruises so that even the slightest bump or push made him hurt even more. 

Then the man walked behind him and Dean really got nervous. Not being able to see what was about to happen to him was a killer for Dean. It only made him hyper aware and made his screams and tears come harder when each slice, flame, sting, or grind surprised him. 

Shit maybe with guy wasn’t a newb. 

He started struggling in the chains the longer the guy stood silently behind him, just close enough for Dean to hear him breath. Then the first hit landed. 

A direct strike to his left shoulder made his arm twist and wrench as the bones cracked. The next on the left shoulder blade, making the chains holding his arm seem even more excruciatingly painful then usual. And he screamed, oh may his father forgive him for his weakness but he screamed like a newborn torn from the womb. 

It was a high pitch wail that was pushed out of his lungs with each smack of the metal on his back. He felt his ribs crack over and over before they finally pierced the bruising flesh of his lungs. 

The hammer just kept coming down harder and harder on the bones and muscles on his left side. Over his cry’s Dean heard the wet sound of the head letting blood loose and the hot spatter speckled his face and neck. 

It felt like he was trying to take Dean’s left arm off with nothing but a hammer. 

The metal finally broke through the flesh and began to crack through the bone, rocketing the pain along his whole arm and side before he heard and felt his collarbone split. Each added blow was rocking through his heart, making it beat painfully. 

Dean wept as he felt the man presses his foot into Dean’s upper back and pushed. Each swing of the hammer separating and weakening more sinew and each push of the man’s foot laying more weight against the tearing muscles and bone. Dean could feel his skin and bone being pulled away from one another as his arm began to split off. 

The man forced Dean to arch and push forward against the chains even harder, like some demented, bloodied piñata. A pop, thump, and scream before Dean woke up arching and clutching his left arm to him. 

He panted and gulped for air, turning to his side and curling up as a desperate shiver wracked his whole body and made his eyes roll back in his skull. 

It was only once he was on his side that he realized Cas’s bed was empty. He laid there for a moment before he really absorbed that and managed to calm down enough to move. 

Dean pushed up to meet Cas sitting on the edge of the bed again; his wings spread out across the entire bottom half. He looked pale in the blue light seeping through the curtains and the hand he had curled around Dean’s calf has clammy. 

Dean followed that hand up to meet Cas’s dark eyes. There was something new in them now, not new but familiar, like the old Cas. Some kind of recognition or vengeful drive that had always kept the Seraph inflamed with brilliant grace and life. 

“Ca…Cas?” Dean swallowed loudly on his parched throat. 

The angel inclined his head towards Dean and his lips twitched in a faint smile. The shallow light from the window left him in shadow as he brought his wings back up against his back. A temporary shadow that hypnotized Dean and brought him back to the first time he’d ever met Castiel and the angel had proved his power. 

But Cas broke the spell and moved to lie next to the man, pulling the sheets back over both of them. Dean stiffened and squinted in the dark, swimming in unfamiliar waters. 

The angel rested his nose against Dean’s right shoulder and hot puffs of air warmed the fabric keeping their skin from touching. Then, carefully but very deliberately, Cas dragged his hand over Deans chest and rested his hand gracefully along side Dean’s left shoulder. 

This was weird, too weird for Dean. He had never felt so wound tight in his life. He was certain that if someone barged in right now he would jump 50 feet in the air and yell that Cas started it. 

He was lying there, dead stiff, and he was trying to figure out how to tell Cas to go back to his own bed without offending the poor thing. He knew he needed to stop this but Cas started to lazily drag his fingers along his skin. And all Dean could think about was how is mom used to do that to help him fall asleep. How the residual pain left from the dream was fading away the longer Cas trailed designs over his shoulder. 

The longer Cas did this the harder it became to come up with a convincing argument on why the angel should go back to his own side. Dean just wanted to sleep and he felt certain that if he did he wasn’t going to have any nightmares again. 

This was the kind of night where he normally would have stayed awake and then pretended to be asleep when Sam finally got up for a shower. But he could let Cas have this, but more importantly he figured he could let himself have this as well. Cas couldn’t ask questions, couldn’t pry into everything he dreamt about and try to offer him awkward words of encouragement. Cas was just Cas and Dean was so damn tired. 

Dean sighed and felt every muscle go lax, submitting to the warmth flowing over his skin and the tingling building in his spine and behind his eyes. Cas pressed closer and Dean could feel him blinking against his arm a few times before he sighed in response and closed his own eyes. 

Yeah, Dean thought he could let himself have this.


	6. A very important lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! But on the other hand, long chapter!! I'm on summer break now so I may be able to post more often now. Thank you katie for pushing past my horrendous writing. thank you guys so much for reading!!

Dean and Cas had a slow morning the next day. Dean slept in later than usual and woke without a hangover, an unexpected but appreciated break that made him continue to ponder Castiel’s abilities. 

First thing Dean saw was Cas, sitting backwards in a chair. His wings were spread in the morning sun streaming in from the open window, highlighting dark feathers in gold. His Eyes closed with a look of tranquility softening his features. 

The hunter in him told Dean to chide the angel for opening the window, but the rest of him wanted to preserve that moment forever; an Angel sitting before him, draped in a shroud of calm and graceful light. 

It was such a romanticized ideal. A simmer of tension tightened Dean’s back, making him swallow hard. He felt withdrawn just laying there and watching what felt like a private moment. It made him wonder just how much he and Sam truly knew about Angels. Or at least, how much they knew about Castiel. 

Dean forced himself out of his hypnosis as vague memories of last night began to screw themselves into his forethought. Snapping the covers off, Dean marched to the bathroom and quietly closed the door. The panic of everything he may have said last night and the weight of Castiel’s gaze keeping him company despite the two inches of wood between them. 

Dean scrubbed water over his face and brushed his teeth; trying to piece together everything he might have said the night before. All that seemed minor in comparison to his memory of Cas waking him again from a nightmare. And the image of the angel draped above his bed, wings spread and eyes fierce, like the protector and soldier he had always been.

Curiosity on exactly what was happening was enough to get Dean to open the door and stand next to the reposed angel and wait for Cas to meet his gaze. 

“So, this is the second night in a row you have gotten into bed with me and I don’t want to even begin to discuss how that makes me feel.”

Cas simply matched Dean’s focused stare and waited for him to continue. 

“But that isn’t really what I want to talk about. Every time you get in bed I’ve been having a nightmare and when you do I wake up. Which makes sense right, a person getting into bed with you would wake you up, but I don’t dream again for the rest of the night. I know you’re the one doing it Cas. It has to be, I’ve never not had nightmares if I fall back asleep.”

Dean’s been closing the distance without really noticing, leaning down to get a better look at Castiel’s eyes in search of any sign of understanding. 

“Except when you’re with me.” Dean breathes out heavily through his nose. The tips of Cas’s tousled hair quiver with the action. The angel tilts back his head to look at him with big confused eyes. 

“Please, Cas. You gotta give me something man. Some sign that you aren’t all gone.”

There was a long moment of utter stillness. Dean could feel his own steady heart beat knocking through his tensed body. 

It was broken by the sudden growl of Castiel’s stomach.

Dean blinked. He stepped back and watched Cas tilt his head at his stomach like a dog indentifying a new noise. 

“Hungry!” Cas smiled back up at Dean. 

“Great.” Dean sighed, annoyed at the interruption of his unsubtle interrogation. “Well, I guess we know what we’re going to be working on today.” 

Dean walked to the tiny kitchen, opening a cabinet and rummaging through a plastic bag. There was a thick smack as Dean threw a foiled pop tart on the table. 

“So this is breakfast, sorry it isn’t first class angel cuisine. After this, we work on distance training. Gotta figure out how long I can leave you alone incase I have to pick up more food.” Dean said as he sat and watched Cas open the foil and begin to take inquisitive bites of the confection. 

Dean sighed and took a few bites of his own, seriously considering opening a beer already. 

 

Dianna Lynn had been a maid at the Rainbow Inn since she was 23 and trying to pay off community college and take care of her son. Now 41, she’s worked here long enough to know people. 

She could tell just from looking at someone whether they were there to do drugs, having affairs, or hiding from some responsibility. She knew when people wanted to be left alone and when people wanted company, but that she shouldn’t shoot the breeze regardless. 

You knew you were being too chatty with her when she would finally snap and say “Sir, I’m sure your life story is very interesting but I’m only getting paid to change the sheets, now if you would excuse me.” 

Almost 20 years of service tends to give a person the ability to mouth off time to time without getting into trouble. 

So when she started her rounds about noon and noticed the stoic but cute man perched outside of room 212, she didn’t think much of it. When she finished with one room and came back out to find him still there she decided that was just odd enough to warrant further interest. 

He wasn’t smoking, which would have been her first guess. He shifted from foot to foot, sometimes leaning on the safety railing, sometimes against the wall. He didn’t look tense, just bored. But almost every thirty seconds he would look down at his watch, purse his lips, and lean towards the door, holding very still. 

This was the part that she legitimately enjoyed about her job. Making up stories about the people she would see. Dianna had always held an interest in writing, but in middle school her parents told her that wasn’t a responsible career choice, so at the age of 19 she got pregnant instead.  
So now, to feed her still viral imagination she would make up stories and plots about customers. 

Sometimes they were extravagant creations of space soldiers, shark tamers, ballet dancer spies, and shamans going on mystical spirit quests. But sometimes the gossip in her got the better hand and she just legitimately wanted to analyze what a person was doing. 

And right now, the cute boy outside of room 212 was meeting her criteria of just weird enough to garner legitimate analyzes. She immediately pinged him for an older brother, but not just any older brother, an older brother who had paid for a prostitute to take his younger brothers virginity. It made some sense, constantly checking the time, listening at the door but still looking bored. And she vaguely remembered Joey at the desk mentioning two guys checking in. 

It wouldn’t be the first time she’d seen it; she knew that look. There was definitely something important happening in room 212. 

 

Dean really wished the housekeeper would stop watching him. 

She’d been down the hall messing around at her cart for 3 minutes and he knew she was looking at him. She should have moved onto the next room already. 

Part of him thought she could be a demon but the way her eyes averted and her face turned red when he finally looked up and perked an eyebrow toward her suggested otherwise. 

She finally hustled the cart onto the next room, shoulders stiff with irritation at being caught watching. Dean hated the nosey maids. 

He checked his watch again, the timer running and blinking as he read the 21 minutes 43 seconds flashing quickly under the glass. 

He’d heard Castiel shuffle around a few times and once he thought he heard the sound of his wings beat against the door, but it was mostly quiet now. 

Dean was actually impressed and grateful. A twenty-minute trip to a food mart could be done easily, as long as this sort of behavior was going to be consistent. 

He really hoped Cas couldn’t some how sense him out here and that this whole test hadn’t been botched. 

22 minutes and 25 seconds.

He could probably sense him; he was probably sitting right in front of the door like a dog waiting for his owner to get home. Or he had gotten into the rest of the pop tarts and would give Dean a smug look when he would finally give up and come back in. 

22 minutes and 58 seconds.

God, what if he was sitting in bed rocking back and forth and plucking his feathers out like Sam said?! That wouldn’t make any noise, Cas could be in there hurting himself and Dean wouldn’t know. All because he wanted to experiment on how long the angel could handle being alone. 

23 minutes and 14 seconds. 

Shit

23 minutes and 15, no 16 seconds. 

Damn it, this was necessary, they needed to figure out if they could leave him alone. 

Dean growled under his breath and paced back over to the railing, making sure to stay out of view of the window lest Cas try to look past the blinds. 

Next time he did this he was bringing a beer and a magazine. 

24 minutes and 10 seconds marked the first moment in 15 minutes that Cas finally made a move again. 

Dean both saw and heard the door move slightly, like someone was pushing on it from the other side. It made a muffled creaking sound at the hinges but nothing that suspected full destructive forces; just curious pushing. 

Then the door handle made the tiniest jerk but Dean was pretty confidant Castiel couldn’t figure out two door locks right now. 

Then the curtains and blinds moved abruptly before falling back into place, the flash of agitated dark wings beating behind them. 

Dean tensed and moved back over to the door. He heard more shuffling noises and the creak of another door. What was Cas doing in the bathroom? Then there was a pause and the thud of a door closing. 

This same sound repeated twice before Dean figured out that Cas was experimenting with door handles. He was trying to understand the concept and function, because he had seen Dean leave through this door, so he needed to get through this door too. 

Well shit, that was actually kinda impressive. Dean couldn’t help but feel an odd little spike of pride. 

That was until Cas returned to the main door. Dean saw the handle jerk and heard the wood creak again. This lasted for another thirty seconds before he began to hear the whining from within. 

High pitched and clearly distressed. It started with a few breathy exhales before turning into what sounded like full-blown panic. 

The wood creaked again and Dean heard the angel scratching around the handle and locks, getting frustrated. 

Then the blinds and curtains flashed back from the windows again and banged back and forth on the glass. Giving quick glances to the blustery chaos inside as Cas beat his wings harder and faster. 

26 minutes and 51 seconds was when Dean finally had to open the door and put Cas out of his misery after he heard what sounded like the petite angel full on body slam the door. 

It was good that he’d managed to close the door behind him quickly because Dean swiftly found himself pressed back against the door, the handle jabbing painfully into his lower back. 

Cas was pressed flushed against him and had wrapped his arms tightly around Dean’s neck and shoulders, grabbing at the fabric beneath his fingers and whimpering loudly. 

“Cas! Jesus Christ man it’s fine! I’m right here, calm down.” 

The angel only whined louder and buried his face into Dean’s neck. 

Dean began to try and gently untangle the distressed man off him but deflated quickly and paused with a stuttered breath when he felt the warm soak of tears on his skin. Followed by the soft press of lips on his neck, mouth resting against a tendon as Cas breathed in deeply at Dean’s hairline.

Well, that was an unexpected reaction to being left alone.

Dean swallowed thickly and got his frozen hands to work again. “Cas buddy, I really need you to get off… like NOW!” A frenzied shout nervously exploded from his body.

Cas jumped in Dean’s arms but backed away slowly, eyes downcast again as he took several steps back. 

Dean took a chance to breathe and avoided looking at Cas by taking in the state the room was in. Honestly, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Dean suspected Cas’s wings caused most of the mess. 

Books and papers flown about, Dean’s bed sheet torn back, the chair under the window fallen over and the blinds ruffled and out of place. 

Yeah could have been a lot worse. Dean sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Okay… okay well, lets say tops 25 minutes before minor tantrum ensues.” Out of Dean’s peripheral vision he watched Castiel finally raise his eyes to him again but decided to instead begin cleaning up the room. 

Cas stayed frozen in place as Dean nervously flitted about the room, shuffling papers back into messy piles and stacking books in one corner. He picked up the chair by the window and cursed himself. He really didn’t want to handle this right now. 

Cas was looking back up at him again and Dean knew he should say something, hell Dean was the reason all of this had happened. 

Cas’s wings opened slightly which Dean took as a sign that the angel was going to try and communicate, so he took off toward the cooler and grabbed a beer. Intentionally pushing the metal cap painfully into his palm before popping it off and chugging back half of the frothy content. 

He swallowed and licked his lips, eyes forced down to the rim of the bottle. 

Dean downed his beer in slow gulps, wondering if twenty minutes was long enough to get to the store for hard liquor. He started picking at the beer’s label, keeping his eyes focused on damp paper. Cas whimpered from across the room and tucked his wings tight against his shirt, one of Dean’s, now ruined by the holes made for wings. 

Dean wouldn’t look up though and Cas eventually sat down on the floor and rested against his own bed, his head just peeking over the fluffed up comforter. 

Another tense moment passed being filled with nothing but the sound of Dean swallowing before Cas reached over and grabbed the TV remote. He slid it around on the bed for a little while before pushing a bunch of buttons until he managed to turn it on. 

The sound of National Geographic’s “Taboo” theme was enough to cover the sound of Dean hiding in the bathroom again. 

He rested back against the door, the sounds behind it far away as Dean brought a hand to the curve of his neck to swipe away at the remaining moisture. He ran the liquid between pressed fingers absently, but Dean wasn’t really thinking about tears right now. 

He was a little more distracted with the fact that an angel in the vessel of a human male had just kissed his neck. 

In fact if he was going to be more precise Castiel, angel of the Lord whose father was God, had just kissed his neck.

It’s not like it was some big sloppy kiss, it was a simple press of lips to skin. Dean found himself rubbing his palm along his neck now, the odd sensation of his skin being constricting washing over him.

It could have been an accident or it could have just been a misunderstanding, Dean simply mistaking it for a kiss. And maybe kissing meant nothing to angels. Cas was hardly human behavior 101, maybe he didn’t understand what he was doing. That meant Dean really needed to say something about it then, he felt bad enough for yelling as it was but he didn’t need Cas feeling bad for just making a mistake. 

But in the back of his mind there was that little voice that questioned that past few days’ events. All the hugging and touching had been for comfort, the angel obviously responded well to touch, but the way he behaved in the bathroom and now this? 

Dean could place some of it out of stress and fear, Cas had thought Dean had left him; he was probably on the brink of having a panic attack. But that really only explained the hug and the tears. 

The more he thought about it the more irritated his whole body felt, a ghosting prickling sensation that made him feel his heart pound rapidly in his chest. Dean snapped the handle in the shower to on and yanked his shirt over his head. 

His whole body felt too hot and too tight. He was still too flustered to try and talk to Cas now anyway, he’d probably just end up saying something bull headed and make things worse. 

Dean hopped out of his pants and quickly pulled himself under the cool spray of water, immediately feeling less like he was going to crawl out of his skin

He sighed and let his head fall onto to the even cooler tile in front of him, absently running soap over his body before kneading the muscles in his neck, wondering why Cas’s body had felt so stifling along side his own. 

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

When Dean got out of the shower and changed back into his clothes he found Cas laying on his stomach in his bed, wings spread out and relaxed as he watched a woman have her teeth filed to points. Dean squinted between the TV and the angel before snorting and tossing his wet towel onto the floor. 

The angel only acknowledged him by moving his wing out of the way when Dean walked past and sat down on his own bed, collapsing and sighing back into the pillow. 

Another still moment passed before Dean groaned again and rolled onto his stomach, mouth pressing into the cheap pillow and a single eye poking above the lump and watching. 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you man. I know you didn’t know what… look I just don’t want this to be a hard couple of days. I’m sorry for putting you through that, I’m just trying to get a handle for your uhh, condition.”

The angel turned his head back toward him, eyeing him with annoyance and what appeared to be a jaded expression. Dean couldn’t blame him. 

Dean rolled back over and hefted himself up enough to sit up “So are we ok?” 

Cas huffed and turned his head back to the TV, pulling his wings in tightly to his body. Dean couldn’t help his fingers beginning to tap on the comforter as he waited for Cas’s response. The angel glanced quickly back over his shoulder before resting his head back down into his hands and sighing. 

The quiet “Ok” was good enough for Dean and he leaned back down into the pillows and wished desperately Cas would give him the remote so he could put sports on. 

 

A few hours passed like that, both of them just watching TV in silence. Dean kept thinking he needed to make conversation, but that’s hard to do when your conversation buddy has little to contribute with. Then he would chide himself for acting like a middle-schooler on a date. 

Dean ran down to the office once to get a paper but Cas was fine when he returned. Then around 6:30 Dean ordered pizza and shuffled Cas into the bathroom when the door knocked. 

Once the delivery guy was gone Dean could hear Cas twittering and flapping around in the bathroom before charging out in excitement. The smell of food riling him up; probably didn’t help that Dean had gotten beef as a topping. 

He was absolutely electric when Dean managed to get him into a chair and soon he was inhaling pizza like it could bring his grace back. Dean couldn’t help the chuckles that would escape between bites as Cas’s enthusiasm spread to him. 

Just eating pizza, drinking beers and sitting next to someone that was happy was enough to make Dean forget about the apocalypse for 15 minutes. 

The contented happiness was enough to loose his tongue. He filled the silence with stories, even if Cas probably knew about most of them already.

“Man it was weird, you were a total hippie, totally into drugs yeah, and orgies too!” …Or maybe it was the beers that loosed his tongue. One of them.

Cas gave a disbelieving look to the smiling Winchester before rolling his eyes.

“Nahh man, trust me you appeared to be very popular with the ladies. Good to know it happened eventually, I’d forgotten you’re still our token virgin. Hah! Damn, I guess that’s just further encouragement to fix you cause we would probably have to kill whoever you slept with if you still had angel wings!” 

At that one Dean got a very deliberate knock across the head with the tip of a wing, nothing hard but enough for the topic to die with a smile. 

Both sat content in silence while Cas picked at some of Dean’s leftovers until Dean’s brows furrowed again.

“Hey, what would happen if you got a girl pregnant?” Dean asked, leaning toward the angel and narrowing his eyes in curiosity. 

Cas’s mouth opened then closed but was saved by the sound of Dean’s phone ringing. 

“Hey Sam, so what’s happening?” 

“Dean. Ok, so we got the Colt, wasn’t nearly as bad as we thought it would be… umm Crowley basically just gave it to me and asked me to go kill the Devil.”

“Well, at least something went right for a change, so where are you guys headed now?” 

“Well we talked to Bobby and he mentioned a lot of omens in Missouri, Gabriel said he’d look into them as well but right now Jo and I are on our way to pick up Ellen at Bobby’s and confirm what our next plan of action is.”

“Great, ok well Cas and I will meet you guys there.” Dean said giving Cas a flashing smile to see things working out well. 

“I… don’t really think that would do us a lot of good Dean, we’d still have to relocate you guys. Don’t you think it makes more sense for you to just sit tight there?”

Cas could hear Dean’s jaw snap shut.

“But afterward, it would be easier on you guys if we were closer by.” Dean suggested, he could hear that tone in Sam’s voice, the ‘please don’t make me fight you on this’ sort of plead that always hurt. 

Sam sighed and Dean bet he was rubbing his eyes right now

“Dean it just isn’t in the cards right now, it’s easier for me knowing you’re both there and safely away from what ever goes down. Look Jo and I need to switch off for driving and we still have a long way to go, I haven’t slept in awhile, I’ll call you when we get to Bobby’s.”

Dean ground his teeth down but gave an “Ok” and an “I’ll talk to you soon” before clicking his phone shut faster than necessary. 

He checked his watch, 8:20 wasn’t exactly early enough for him to allow himself to go to sleep, even if all he wanted to do right now was collapse into bed. 

“It’s weird, waiting around felt so much easier when I was a kid because there was already so little I could do in the first place. And Sam was always coming up with these weird ways to entertain himself and he would figure out a way to pull me into it.”

Cas had moved slightly and Dean could feel the brush of feathers against his forearm. 

“Maybe we’ll go driving tomorrow, just for a couple hours. Maybe find some random woods and stretch our legs, I’m sure you’d love to really let your wings spread?”

Dean was really just daydreaming about freedom but Cas gave a wide smile and sharp nod of his head, and suddenly Dean felt like he’d made a promise he needed to keep. 

Dean hummed thoughtfully as he began to clean up their mess, already thinking about what he knew of the area and places they could go. He wondered if Cas really could fly. 

The angel, now apparently a master at turning the TV on had gotten back onto his bed and sat criss cross while he pushed buttons again, finally evolving to trying to change channels.

Dean remained in his seat and finished his beer; he was really looking forward to tomorrow. He didn’t really understand why, maybe it was because of how similar this situation felt to being a kid. But back then he couldn’t leave; there was nowhere to go and no way to get there. Now he had a car and someone who wasn’t going to get snarky about him disobeying the rules and leaving. 

He wasn’t going hunting tomorrow, just… going out to run around with a friend, no rules and no fear. Sure they still had to be careful but as long as they were in a quiet enough place Cas could probably really get a chance to let loose. 

Dean smiled at the thought that he finally had something to give him. 

Dean left the empty pizza box by the door and collapsed back onto his bed, hands resting on his stomach. He figured he’d just lie there and wait to see if he would doze off. 

Cas’s left wing stretched out toward Dean and he smiled, it had been such a weird day he hadn’t groomed him at all. Cas didn’t really need it but Dean knew how much he enjoyed it. 

So Dean laid there and closed his eyes, running his fingers down and through the long primaries, smoothing the marginal and alula feathers that traveled along the bone arch and imagined what an angel would look like flying. 

He might have fallen asleep, he couldn’t really tell. The TV was white noise and the wing in his hands a warm pressure over his body, Dean’s blood tingled and felt like it was pooling heavy beneath him. 

But then there was silence and the quiet click of plastic laid down carefully on wood and Dean felt Cas’s wing pull from his grasp. 

Dean woke up a bit from that and then more when he felt Castiel staring at him. Dean took a deep breath, too close to sleep to want to play this game. 

“You gonna watch al’ight or go sleep?” he grumbled as he managed to open one eye. 

Cas had pulled his wings in tight to himself again and shifted from foot to foot, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. Finally, he leaned over and planted a hand down on the firm mattress, splaying his fingers over the fabric and claiming the space for his hand before repeating with the other. The second one a few inches closer to Dean’s personal space. 

Dean knew that Cas was asking to get into his bed with him. Hell it wasn’t like they hadn’t been doing this the last two nights. But that was always to wake Dean from a dream and keep him settled through the night. 

Saying yes to this would be willingly letting Castiel share his bed simply out of habit and because Cas wanted to. And Dean still wasn’t sure about where he stood on that idea. It was nice, Dean never regretted it, but he hadn’t willing shared a bed with a guy since he was a kid and that was with his brother. 

This was a broken angel who had kissed his neck earlier today and continuously tried to keep them in constant contact. This was also the friend he’d yelled at earlier today because this whole experience was forcing him into new territory. 

Suddenly painfully awake, Dean stiffly wiggled over to the other side and tried to act like he wasn’t intentionally keeping a lot of space between them when Cas sunk down onto the mattress. 

When Cas rolled onto his stomach Dean turned to his side and faced the bathroom, wondering how long it would take for him to relax enough to go back to sleep. 

He tried to measure his breathing and wanted to wince when the gulp he’d been trying to keep quiet came out like he had swallowed pebbles. 

He heard Cas shift, then the bed dipped a little closer to him before Cas laid one of his wings over him. 

Honestly it was kinda cool, like being in a blanket fort or something but smaller. The dark feathers stood out abnormally from the blackness of the room, like faded cave art on black stone. And Dean felt himself begin to relax from the familiar warmth and smell; this was just another night with Cas, no different from any other. 

Dean let himself calm down and listened to Castiel breathe, certain Cas was still awake and with a spontaneous bout of courage, Dean turned to his other side and met the eyes he’d sensed starring into his skull. 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you today, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Dean felt himself begin to choke on those pebbles he thought he’d swallowed earlier. 

“I also already apologized for that… sorry I’m apologizing again?” 

Cas gave a small smile and dipped his head down along the pillow, bringing the crown of his skull even closer to Dean’s own face. Dean watched as Cas fought to keep his eyes open, letting them rest shut for a several seconds before trying to pull them open again. 

Dean was fairly certain Cas did fall asleep for a few minutes, but then his body jerked and he whimpered before staring back up at Dean quickly, distress obvious in his eyes; his hand jutting a little closer to Dean’s hand before freezing and lying stiffly on the bed. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, I’m not gonna run off and leave you alone in the middle of the night. Just… relax and go to sleep.”

Dean looked Castiel in the eye until the angel gave him a small nod and closed his eyes. 

Dean was almost asleep again when he felt Cas slide his hand over the remaining inches and lay a few fingers over his hand. Dean almost laughed it was so ridiculous, like a few fingers could keep Dean from getting up if he wanted too. 

He opened his eyes and watched Cas fall asleep, the angel almost immediately falling into slumber now that they were touching. 

Dean felt an odd ache in his chest, like his heart was stuttering. In fact it was kind of like that time he got electrocuted when Sam and him had killed that Rawhead, just not as painful. 

It might have been because as Dean closed his eyes and thought about Cas’s hand on his, he still didn’t know how it made him feel, but he did know it wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling.


	7. Flying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading!! I always love feedback so I decided to also add my tumblr, it's dyingwhalebattlecry.tumblr.com
> 
> I will most likely follow you back :) 
> 
> Thank you katie for beta work again. Also we're finally getting Dean past his "Oh god am I gay?!!" thing soon. THis is a major chapter for that as well as the next one!
> 
> And we kinda touch on some kinks this chapter and will touch on a major one next time!!! ;D

Dean’s arm twitches beneath the pillow and his face contorts for a moment before he rotates his shoulder and lies still for a moment more. Not long after he grumbles and turns, removing the tingling appendage from underneath his head. 

He turns to his side and drapes the arm over the warm body next to him, swallowing against his dry morning throat and relaxing again. Eyes twitching as he tries to chase after the dream he’d been having. 

Dean trails his fingers lightly over the smooth skin beneath his palm and feels it twitch and jump as the digits count ribs and rub up over a shoulder. 

Dean hums and smiles, pulling in closer to the warm body that feels so nice against his, its smell triggering distant memories of happiness and childhood. Just elusive enough that he can’t place them. 

Soft skin brushes lightly against his collarbone before a puff of warm air travels across his chest. Fingers walk up his own sternum then brush against his neck and chin. 

He woke up enough to remember who he was in bed with around the time Castiel started touching him. It was one thing to think he was still just dreaming as he had explored Cas’s skin, it was another to feel the dream touch him back. 

Dean hopes Cas can’t feel his heart trying to pound out of his chest.

The feather light touch travels back down his chest, his nipples suddenly constricting and making Dean’s heart stutter. It comes to rest on the side of his stomach, thumb rubbing a steady rhythm back and forth over the ticklish skin. 

Heart thundering in rhythm with thumb, Dean is hyperaware of the sensation making his skin feel like it’s buzzing. He wants to open his eyes, wants to see if Cas is watching, if he knows what he’s doing. 

Slowly his lids open, adjusting to the dimness. Stripes of light leak into what appears to be a feather cocoon that Cas has placed them in. Dust particles flow in the light before his eyes as the shadowy companion next to him comes into view. 

Cas’s eyes are wide and deep, azurite blue trying to burry into Dean’s mind. Lips plumped and heavy from sleep and neck muscles so defined Bernini would have swooned. 

Dean get’s kicked in the chest with such a heavy need he realizes just how long its been since he’s wanted like this, and Christ does he want!

And Dean needs to get out of bed, needs to get to the bathroom and rub one out before he loses the ability to walk all together. Because it’s all just so innocent, so trusting and… God could the word really be virginal?! 

Dean blinks and swallows again, clearing his throat and relieved when Cas opens his wings and removes that sweet little thumb from his waist. 

He turns over quickly and the bed sheet snaps he throws it off so fast. He tries to control himself and not completely run to the bathroom, sure as shit feels like that’s all he’s been doing lately, but he can’t fight the speed in his step. 

And the anxiety doesn’t dissipate once he’s locked behind the door with the shower roaring. 

He can’t even make it under the spray before he’s already got his briefs tangled at his feet and only his spit lubed fist around his cock. And he’s all too aware of that fact.

Too aware that it isn’t Cas’s pretty soft mouth or even better….

“Shit!” Dean curses under his breath and strokes faster, rhythm faltering at the image. Castiel bent over and mewling, wings spread and twitching when he would come. How obedient he would be, how hard he would try to please Dean, the things he would do to make Dean come.

“Ahhssshit!!” Dean gasps and thrust forcefully into his fist, eyes locked on oblivion and sweat beading on his forehead as the steam in the room builds. 

His hips stagger as his fist tightens more and he throws his head up, mouth open wide and fighting so damn hard not to scream the angel in the other rooms name as he comes across his fist and onto the floor.

Breath stuttering and pupils blown Dean feels like he just had the wind knocked out of him. His sweat slicked skin sticks on the wall as he peels himself off and nearly loses his balance trying to get into the shower. Still too fucked out to even comprehend the water pelting him and the semen running off his hand. 

He rests his head against the tile as his body sways beneath him. Muscles begging for him to sit down, the burn in his thighs and calves makes him feel like he just ran five miles. 

His eyes open and his brow furrows, he can’t even remember the last time he had an orgasm that good just from his hand. Sure there was that one time he let a girl finger him while he stroked one out, but that doesn’t count. It doesn’t. 

Biting his lip Dean slowly starts to scrub the exhaustion off his body. His confusion and guilt running down the drain as he chalks it all up to being leftover tension from when he didn’t jerk off a few days ago. That he must have been having a sex dream and the image of Cas swirling through his head was just a side effect of that. Cas was there

He finishes up and towels off, then wiping up the mess he’d left on the floor before standing in front of the toilet. His mind couldn’t quiet catch up with what was wrong with this image before he smack’s himself in the head. 

He’d been in such a rush he’d forgotten to grab clothes to change into. 

He shuffles to the door and toys with the towel around his waist, rewrapping it twice before finally opening the door and walking out. 

He goes straight to his bag and keeps his head down, afraid to look at the angel as if he would some how know what Dean had done just a few feet away. 

His hands jerk and grab the first two articles he could find, screw matching or clean. 

His feet stumble over each other on the way back, and his glance around catches the angel still in his bed. 

Cas was poised on his side, elbow underneath him while he met Dean’s gaze. His wings fluffed up and his head cocked, a small and intimate smile spreading over his face. 

Dean jerks his pelvis back when he feels his cock twitch, and he quickly stumbles back into the bathroom.

When he was finally done he crawled back out and shuffled around with the food they had left as Cas got up and left for the bathroom. Dean froze and felt a violent blush race across his skin at the thought of Cas even being in the same room where he’d just come. 

He dropped the pop tart he’d grabbed back into the bag, running a hand over his fluttering stomach, and checked his phone instead. 

It was a bit after 11 and he had a missed text from Sam.

Dean heard the door open and snuck a brief glance at the topless angel. Cas had been wearing the same shirt the last two days, it was just so damn annoying to fit his wings into the cuts, but Dean couldn’t deny it had stopped looking fresh yesterday. 

“Sam, Jo, Ellen, and Gabriel are headed for Missouri.”

Cas squints his eyes and Dean laughs “Yeah, never thought I’d hear about them getting your dick brother in a car.”

Cas picked a shirt out of the bag they’d given him of their more threadbare clothes and sat before Dean with his back to him. 

This one was actually one of Sam’s shirts but Dean tries to not think about that as he lines up the wings and cuts large slits from the middle all the way to the neckline. 

Cas hops back off the bed and pulls his wings close around himself while Dean starts to try and tug it into place. Actually getting him into the shirt if the easy part, getting his wings and arms through the holes was another story. 

The first time had ended up with them completely ruining a shirt when the angel had become distressed at the sensation of his wings trapped down. He’d panicked, wings extending out with full force and tearing the shirt to shreds, given Dean a pretty nice bruise on his forearm too. 

Now Dean’s learned to keep talking to him and help him guide his wings through the slits. All together it isn’t exactly a painless process for Cas; having to bend and maneuver his wings in uncomfortable positions. 

Cas can hear Dean sigh behind him, the only warning he gets before warm hands work underneath the tee and brush up his back. 

Cas’s skin prickles beneath Dean’s hands; he hesitates along that line of spine, counting lumbar and ears trained on the sound of breath catching in a throat. He’s pretty sure it wasn’t his own. 

He follows the skin up to where human meets angel and submerges his fingers into feathers. He starts by steering the right humerus back towards him until the arch at the carpus is close enough to the slit for him to pull it through. 

Then comes the hard part and Cas knows it, already whimpering as Dean realigns his grip and begins to pull up. Cas pulls the whole right wing up as close to his shoulder as he can before Dean has to start bending the bone to pull the wing out. 

The main arch to the end of the wing is the more painless part. The metacarpal underneath the slick feathers is thin and can be manipulated easier. Cas need only bring the arch towards his neck for Dean to bend the bone and press it through the hole. But once that is done Dean has to tug Cas’s wing higher to pull the thicker bones through. 

Dean grabs around the ulna and pulls up. He hears a soft click as Cas slams his jaw shut and leans forward, his body naturally trying to pull him away from the pain. 

“Easy, easy, deep breath” Dean soothes “Almost there Cas.”

Dean begins to pull the bone back again towards him and rushes to push the shirt over the feathers. Finally, with a whoosh of held breath, Dean lets go of the right wing. 

It twists and extends like a living snake, trying to realign itself after being pulled and twisted every which way. Cas then puts his right arm through the sleeve. 

He whimpers and twitches away when Dean immediately moves his hand to the left joint. 

Dean sighs again and stills. His fingers begin to work through the smaller feathers, the pad of his thumb rubs and pushes at the shoulder joint. Making small circles as he tries to work Cas back down and get him to relax enough to even move his shoulder. 

“Come on Cas, just one more wing” Dean groans out as the small angel jerks again when Dean starts to move the bones. 

“Man come on, we have to put clothes on you. Besides you can’t go flying if you don’t have clothes on.” 

Cas stills and his head curves back just the slightest to peer at Dean with cautious eyes. Dean guesses that must be distrust, like telling a dog you’ll give it a treat if it comes back inside. 

And shit that thought is gonna make Dean feel like crap for what he’s about to do to get this moving along. 

Dean lets go of the wing and pulls his hands out, taking a few steps back and turning away. He can hear the scuff of denim when Cas turns to face him and he imagines Cas must look pretty interesting with one wing stuck under a shirt and the other disheveled from the fit. 

“It’s a shame, I really didn’t want to leave you alone again. But I can’t take you out like that.” Dean sighs and rubs at his eyes while he walks towards the door. “I’m not sure when I’ll get back, I need to run some errands and well… I don’t know, I saw a pretty nice bar on the way into town. I may go check it out. 

I was really hoping you could have at least joined me for the car rides, and of course I was looking forward to watching you fly, if you can of course. Oh well, maybe another day. I’m sorry I’m gonna have to make you go through that whole process again man.” 

Dean doesn’t even have his keys on him, shit he’s not even wearing shoes, but he’s pretty sure Cas won’t be picking up on those major human factors. 

The other side of the room responds with a whine that simmers into something closer to a whimper. Then the harsh sound of bedsprings squeaking reverberates through Dean’s skull. 

He turns back to Cas, really hoping he isn’t going to have to stick to his story and walk out of there with no shoes on. 

But the angel is sitting back on the bed; legs crossed underneath him and head down. Dean can tell by the way the t-shirt is pulling that Cas has tugged his shoulder up and as if to confirm Dean theory, Cas contorts his body as he tries to reach over and tug the wing tip through while also keeping his shoulder high. 

Dean can’t even find his voice enough to tell Cas to stop; he just walks back over and wraps a hand around Cas’s wrist, leading the appendage back down to his side. 

Cas whimpers again but presses closer to Dean when the hunter begins to trail his hand back up Cas’s skin. 

He doesn’t make a sound the entire time, even when Dean’s sweating palms slip on his feathers and Dean accidently take a chunk of them out. 

Dean grumbles a shamed sorry and finishes up quickly after that. Sewing the tops of the large slits above the wing sockets closed as a finishing touch. 

Cas tries to get up immediately but Dean brings his grip back to Cas’s wrist and guides him back down to the bed. Goosebumps break out over the angels pale skin and his feathers puff and quiver. 

Dean swallows and trails his hands gently back over the wings. Rearranging misplaced feathers and smoothing the natural flow of the wings design. 

“Ca … ukahh…can’t have you’re wings lookin a mess when we go out.” Dean coughs out as he continues to strum the primaries and massage along the bones and joints. Both of them knowing that Cas’s wings will most certainly not even be on display.

Castiel’s whole body shudders and he lets out the tiniest gasp, almost a squeak. 

There is a heat building beneath Deans palm as he rests it against Cas’s firm back. It spreads through his hand and to his wrist, like it’s trying to melt the two of them together.

Cas jerks back when Dean removes his hand and stands up. 

Dean walks to his bag, pulling out socks and toeing his shoes before turning with a coy smile back to Cas.

“So, about that car ride?”

 

The car smells like drying cornhusks. It’s warm for a November in Pennsylvania, and by warm it’s still cold enough that Dean’s hands are cramping up from the cold wind whipping through the car despite the clear sun. But Cas is just so damn happy with the windows down. 

They’re in bumfuck nowhere right now, only passing dairy farms and dead crop fields. The occasional Amish buggy driver waving as they speed by. 

It isn’t exactly easy to find a good place to pull over though, when you know what that could risk. 

Every time Dean thinks he’s found a good spot he worries about someone calling in a strange car, or if the forest will back up to someone’s property or be spotted. 

Or god forbid there be a low flying airplane.

So for now he lets his hands turn pale from the chill, blasts Metallica, and watches Cas’s face in the wind through his rearview mirror. 

He’s probably staying warmer than Dean at least. Dean made him promise to stay wrapped up in a blanket until they found a good spot, and Cas seemed to get why. 

He’d kept his wings tucked down the whole two hours now, but Dean could see that restless tension building in his face and shoulders. 

Cas would occasionally lift his wings up, just enough to let the wind pocket underneath the blanket. Then a small smile would pull at his lips and he would lower his face as though he was hiding a secret. 

Damn Dean really wanted to see him fly. 

Another song passed on the track before Dean looked back again. 

Cas was once again smiling, but this time their eyes met. Despite the cold in the car there was firelight warmth behind the angels eyes and as heated blood suddenly raced back into Deans veins he decided it was time to keep his word. 

He found the first back road off the main drive he came across. It would probably inevitably lead to someone’s land but he wasn’t interested in going down that far. 

The car slowed on the uneven terrain, and the jostling only seemed to excite the angel more as he sat up, alert and fidgeting. 

Not long after though, the old pavement turned into a straight dirt road, which even sooner turned into overgrown grass. Dean smiled when he finally stopped and parked the car. 

This road had clearly not been used in years and the chances anyone lived around it weren’t high. They were golden, although the back of his mind still nagged him about planes. 

Dean got out and breathed in deep. 

Nothing but dead forest and cawing surrounded them, and Dean had this odd sensation that they had left civilization behind and all the rules that come with it. 

Castiel squeaked as he got out of the car and practically bounced to Dean’s side. 

His eyes were everywhere at once, nostril flared and body quivering as he took in everything around him and awaited permission to finally fly.

“Keep the blanket on, let’s walk down this path a bit and see if we can find a clearing.” 

Cas nodded and then his attention was right back to their surroundings. 

Dean rolled his eyes and walked on in the lead, following what appeared to be the old overgrown path. 

Dead foliage crumpled and cracked beneath their feet, and every now and then Dean would turn back to note how far away Cas was. But the angel never strayed too far, even as his eyes trailed the curious crows tracking them from above.

“Hey! Would you look at that, I knew we were on an old road.” Dean sped up and pushed through thick undergrowth, making a beeline for the torn down house ahead of them. 

Sure enough, an old farm style house sat quietly in the opening, blackened and covered with moss and dead weeds. A muddy stagnant pond was next to it, three rotten pillars of wood sticking out from the water was all that remained a long since sunken doc. 

Cas pushed through the undergrowth, tugging a wing back with a growl from an unfriendly thicket. 

Dean heard him approach and put a hand up, turning to look back and fixing Cas with a stern eye. The angel froze and backed up into the twigs and trees again. 

Dean walked quietly ahead to the building. Although the roof was clearly gone, most of the wall still remained and Dean didn’t want to risk any squatters being there. 

He poked his head around the back corner and immediately relaxed the hand he’d held by his gun. 

There wasn’t even any wall left on this side, just charred remains and broken brick. Most of the inside appeared covered with grass and shrubbery, browned and crisped by the cold. 

Dean turned back around the corner and smiled at the angel poking out from behind a tree.

“It’s all clear Cas, you ready to spread your wings?”

Cas immediately perked up, practically thrashing his way out of the blanket and letting his wings stretch out to their full size. 

Although Dean was certain they weren’t nearly as big as they could have been, he was still impressed by the view. The black and brown tones held the most beautiful sheen in the sunlight, the occasional flash of silver racing through the feathers when they caught the light. All together probably a 20 foot wingspan, he couldn’t believe how small Cas could make himself look like at times with those on his back. 

Cas stood in place, flexing and flapping his wings as he stretched out the tight muscles. Dean eyes squinted and his jaw tightened; an odd sense of dread began to build in the back of his mind. 

Like a parent about to let their kid drive a car for the first time, Dean suddenly began to imagine everything that could possibly go wrong. 

Cas hadn’t flown in a week; maybe more depending on how long Gabriel had been toting him around. What if his wings were too weak now? Like he could get himself off the ground but not maintain it in the air. 

What if crows started attacking him? Or someone saw him? Or the weather changed and he got struck by lightning? What if he ran away?!

Dean squeezed his eyes shut as a wave of anxiety made his stomach roll. 

“Hey, Cas maybe this isn’t…”

Dean stumbled back as a surge of cold air pushed at him and Cas went running by. Wings beating with strength Dean couldn’t comprehend before Dean watched him pull himself from the Earth and take to the sky. 

As Cas circled above him in the sun, Dean’s face broke into a wide grin and a surge of joy pressed through his chest till he hollered and whooped into the air. 

Laughter bubbled up through him and Dean closed his eyes and felt his fingers start to tingle and his chest hurt the longer and harder he laughed. 

Cas soared above him but never vanished from view. Never flew too high or came too close to trees. He would make sharp turns and pivots in the air, fly high and then drop down like a hawk plummeting after prey. 

Dean suddenly understood that even though Castiel wasn’t what he used to be, he was still a trained soldier, still a fierce warrior of God. And nothing could ever take that away from him. 

Dean grabbed the blanket Cas had left piled on the ground and spread it out beneath him before sitting down to continue watching. He figured Cas would come down when he was ready and until then he may as well relax and enjoy the show. 

Eventually he was lying down instead, warm enough through several layers and the sunshine to actually feel a tinge of warmth relax his bones. His eyes closed and he hummed, toes curling in his shoes and socks. 

Wind chilled him suddenly and leaves crunched near him as Cas landed by his side. If Dean was just quiet enough he could make out the angels heavy breathing.

The rhythmic quick panting was interrupted when Cas chuffed next to him and Dean felt the warm press of Cas’s wing against his chest. The appendage had heated from his exertion and Dean’s fingers warmed as he raked them through the feathers. 

Cas chirped then and a hot puff of air ran over Dean’s face making his chilled skin tingle. Dean smirked as Cas pressed his warmed body along his and Dean felt himself start to sweat on that side. 

Then Dean’s lips tingled as blistering heat was pressed against them. Dean froze as the heat traveled through his face and down his spine. 

He felt his brain melt in his skull and the nerve ending in his spine fuse together and then turn to ash. His lips pulled open for cool air but his tongue found its way into liquid fire. 

Cas moaned. And even though Dean felt like he was being dragged through the Sahara his body shook like he had just been dunked in ice water.

One hand grasped onto a wing and its vibration shook up Dean’s arm, his other hand tingled as it tangled into soft thick hair. 

Dean opened his eyes then, desperate to see what his fingers would look like laced into Cas’s dark locks. 

Cas was leaning over and against him, one arm pressed into the ground the other hand white knuckled as he clutched Dean’s jacket. Dean’s eyelashes fluttered when he felt the wet press of Cas’s tongue try to follow his own back into his mouth. 

His eyes darted up at the pattern of dark hair against his white skin and he didn’t even think to stop himself before he was tightening his fist and tugging.

Cas groaned into his mouth and bucked against Dean’s side before grinding when he discovered the friction. 

Dean must have gasped, or maybe hissed he couldn’t be sure, but Cas broke away. Pulled off him and looked almost apologetically into Dean’s eyes before blushing and trying to tug back from Dean’s hold. 

The wing Dean had been holding was shaking still and Dean watched it fold when he let it go, the disheveled feathers proof that his hand had been there. 

He swallowed and let go of Cas’s hair next, his knuckles cracking like he must have been holding on for hours, when he was certain it couldn’t have been more then a few moments. 

Cas ran his own fingers through his hair, slightly straightening some of the parts and making others messier. Either way it destroyed Dean’s work, and he wanted to growl when it was erased so easily. 

Cas sat back on his knees and ran his hands up and down his arms as goose bumps spread over his skin. Dean felt the sudden added chill as their heated bodies, now separated, adjusted to the lonely cold.

Clearing his throat Dean got up and shook the blanket out, the fabric snapping in the silence. Dean turned and gave a small smile to Cas.

“Shall we?” he asked as he held the blanket open. 

Cas got up and turned into the blanket, letting Dean wrap him up in the fabric. He turned back around and Dean looked him over quickly before nodding and turning back towards the brush that they had entered through. 

They walked back through the woods in silence and even the crow’s kept quiet, perhaps scared off by the unexplainable event that was Castiel flying. 

They drove back onto the main road and started the long trek back to civilization. Dean kept the windows up this time and couldn’t find the urge to blast the music, no matter how awkward the silence. 

Cas was tense next to him and kept his face pointing to the window, seemingly fixated on the farmland they passed. He would sigh from time to time and then Dean would echo that same breathy response. 

An unintentional conversation in a language neither of them spoke. 

Dean honestly didn’t know what he expected; he’d just had his first kiss with a guy and all he could think about was how little of it he could really remember. It was over too soon, it was too hot, and he was too cold. It had just happened so fast. 

He would have wanted to appreciate it or at least be aware enough while it was happening to really dissect what the kiss was like. 

The smell of cow dung passed through the vents as they drove by another dairy farm and Dean’s head cleared in the stench. 

Even though he couldn’t remember much, he remembered the sound of Cas’s moan. He remembered how Castiel had bucked against him when he’d tugged his hair. Dean remembered liking the way Cas’s hair felt and how even now his fingers still tingled. 

Dean was pretty sure that all meant that he liked it, or at least enjoyed parts of it. Right now he felt pretty calm, kinda confused but he felt like that was probably what your supposed to feel like when you discover you got a crush on someone that you would have normally never even thought about like that. 

That being said… Dean never saw himself as batting for that team. He’d never looked at another guy sexually before in his life. It just made him have more questions but none of them could be answered, Cas had kissed him. That was it and that was all it ever needed to be. 

The angel next to him coughed a few times and Dean’s eyes slid back over to him. Watching his wings tense beneath the sheet and wondering if the feathers were still messed up where he’d been grabbing on. Wondering if Cas was going to make him groom those same feathers back into place later.

Dean shifted in his seat a few times. Hands flexing and tightening on the steering wheel “You’re really good at flying.”

Cas turned his head and gave a flustered expression at Dean.

“I mean, you’re a really… uh… attractive, like very skilled and talented. Like a really pretty… uh… work of art or something complex like that.” Good job avoiding the word beautiful Winchester, pretty doesn’t make you sound more gay at all! Dean thought as he rolled his eyes and turned his tight face back to the road. 

Cas was silent still but Dean could feel him watching him. Felt like that a lot now a days, like a hawk watching a rabbit, and Dean always wanted to challenge it right back. Wanted to stare him down like all the answers would be revealed if he maintained eye contact long enough. 

So he turned to Cas, turned to him like had so many times before, like he felt like he’d been doing for years. Screw the road, if Cas wanted to make him squirm in his seat he would do it right back at him. 

He met the angel’s eyes but in a matter of seconds a wide smile had spread over Cas’s face, lighting his eyes and tightening his lips.   
“Food?” he asked, the question in his voice added by a tilt of his head.

Deans eyes squinted, that was not what he had been expecting. He turned to quickly view the road before returning his gaze to Cas. 

“Please?” Cas said next, lowering his eyes just as Dean caught the blaze of a blush creeping into his cheeks. 

“Yeahhh… we can get some food. Flying probably really tired you out. We’ll pick up something when we get closer to the motel.”

Silence sat between them again, only the hiss of the road and the clank from those stupid army men toys stuck in the vents when Dean turned the heat on.

“Let me guess, you’re sitting there thinking… burgers?” 

Cas snapped his head quickly and smiled back at the wide Cheshire grin across Dean’s face. 

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬  
“If you’re gonna keep eating like this I may have to make a trip to a bar and work the pool tables, this is freakin ridiculous man.”

Cas had fallen asleep for most of the car ride back but once they got within 5 minutes of even the lowest quality fast-food chain he was awake like a dog smelling a bitch in heat. 

Dean got the feeling that if Cas hadn’t been incessantly squawking “more!” as he was ordering the food he would currently have to deal with the equivalent of angel puppy eyes; although his wallet was $35 dollars lighter to avoid that. 

Instead, Dean sat in awe as he watched Cas consume his fourth burger, fries gone and third glass of water. 

“Lesson learned, bring snacks on flying days.” Dean grumbled as he threw out their remaining trash. He collapsed back onto his bed, rubbing a hand tenderly over his full stomach. The smacking and crunching sounds coming from a few feet away from him almost making him nauseas as he tried to comprehend someone of Cas’s size getting all that food down. 

“Hey!” Dean called out, voice raised to combat the angels chewing “You’re not gonna throw this up from overeating, are you?”

Cas kept going despite Dean’s question and Dean sat upright with a grimace when he suddenly imagined what that might look like and if Cas would know to at least try and make it to a toilet. 

Cas paused momentarily at the loud sound of Dean’s phone vibrating on the table in front of him. 

“Sam!” the angel chirped, turning to Dean with a wide smile. No matter how today had gone Cas was still aware of how nervous Dean had been to hear from Sammy. And over the last few hours Dean’s nerves had started to feel fried while he waited for the call. 

Dean smiled just as wide and pushed off the bed, answering the phone with his eyes lit up. 

“Sam hey! How are you, how did it go?” Dean asked with a cocky grin before taking a celebratory swig of the beer he’d left at the table.

“Dean it…. Uhhh I’m fine” Sam replied quietly before settling into a silence. 

Dean knew that silence, knew it like that last step before you fall down the stairs. 

“Sam? .... Sammy?” Dean’s hand paused at his lip where it had tried to swipe away a drop of beer, turning his back quickly to Cas as his ears trained in on the other end of the phone. 

“Dean I am so sorry, we did everything we could but… man we were so wrong, we weren’t ready, we didn’t know….”

“Didn’t know what Sam?!” Dean’s voice is frantic in the silence now and even Cas has gone still and quiet, like a bird sensing an oncoming storm. Wanting to leave and take refuge but uncertain how to when his refuge is right there. 

“Dean, you remember how we’d been told there were five things the Colt couldn’t kill, well Lucifer turned out to be one of those five.”

The silence stretched out again and Dean knew what lied down that path. He knew that if he asked he’d regret it, could already feel the wail working its way up his chest like a monster climbing out of a well, digging its claws into the wall as it ascended. 

“What happened?” Dean asks quietly, wanting so badly to erase this whole conversation and start again, start the whole day again. 

“Dean I’m so sorry, it… Gabe got trapped; they knew we would show up, there were Hell hounds Dean and….” 

Sam pauses at the sound Dean makes over the phone. It sounds like a groan being ridden over by a cough, or maybe it’s just that that wail finally got up to his throat and is trying to choke him to death now. 

“We weren’t ready for that and I screwed up, went down and Jo… Dean you should have seen her, she…” Sam lets out a high-pitched sob that strangles out in the end and Dean can tell Sam’s biting his lip. Dean clenches and unclenches his hands in the stillness that follows before Sam sniffs loud and clears his throat.

“She ran in so fast, God I didn’t know she could move that fast, figured she might still kinda hate me a bit after the whole possession thing or something, always thought I might trigger her. But she came running in and shot it off of me. But she was distracted and I wasn’t fast enough. I heard Ellen scream and then… then Jo was on the ground and there was blood, it just, god Dean it just tore her open.” 

Dean is silent while Sam keeps talking. He wants to tell him to shut up or just get out with it already. He doesn’t get why it’s important that Ellen was staying to activate the bomb or that Jo wished she could have seen him one more time…

“Dean?! Dean, are you even listening to me?” Sam practically screams into his ear. Dean’s pretty sure Sam’s crying and his voice is hoarse. 

“Yea.. Jo is… she’s dead, saved your ass too…” Dean kinda hiccups and takes several gulps of the beer he’d forgotten about in his hand. 

“…. Not just Jo Dean, Ellen too. They… they died together, they died so I could kill the Devil and, shit it didn’t even work and now…” 

That wail has finally clawed its way into Dean’s mouth and the sound Sam hears on the other end of the phone before the call ended will haunt him that night. 

Dean throws his cell phone at the wall, doesn’t even hear the lamp he hit shatter. Tightness wraps around him, both comforting and suffocating at the same time. All he can think about is how it’s gonna try and keep everything locked inside right now. But he can’t do that right now, can’t keep it in more. Can’t keep in Michael, Lucifer, Heaven, Hell, a fallen Angel, and more dead loved ones. His nails dig into skin and he looks into Cas’s eyes and can’t help but feel like he’s seeing failure in them. 

“Get out of here… I’m so sorry, shit!! I’m sorry!” He barrels out through a groan before he’s got his keys and is out the door. 

The rev of the Impala and the shriek of the asphalt beneath his tires echo in the dead silence in his skull, images of Jo’s smiling face and Ellen’s bright eyes make him scream. He blasts his music, the heaviest loudest rock he’s got, anything to fill those new silent gaps that slip in nice and easy next to mom and dad, rubbing elbows with the time Sammy died. 

He parks crooked at a shit bar with a shit crowed but at least everyone here is either too drunk to care about him or too smart to mess with him, which is a pity cause he would love a fight right now. 

“Shot of whisky, leave the bottle.” He barks when he sits down and the bar tender gives him a look. But the guy’s used to it to he does as he’s told. 

The glass barely hits the table before Dean’s throwing the burning liquid back. He can feel it slide down his throat and fill in those scars left by that thing that crawled out of him. 

He had just thrown back the second shot when he paused, cool glass hanging at his lips. Memories funny like, the burning liquid in his mouth reminding him of kissing Cas, of Cas’s tongue and mouth. 

And Dean is out of the bar faster than he was out of the hotel room that he just left his friend abandoned and scared in. 

He’s doing 60 in a 45 and he can’t remember what time he left so he has no idea how long Cas has been alone. But he knows it must have been a twenty-minute drive to the bar, he pushes it to 65 and hopes there aren’t any cops around tonight. 

He parks at the hotel just less than 15 minutes later and runs up the stairs 3 at a time. His chest feels like it’s shaking, heart pounding with anxiety and his whole body hanging on that little sliver of hope that maybe he got home in time, maybe Cas is still there and will hug and kiss and cry with relief when he comes through the door. 

There is a familiar tiny high-pitched whistle and crunch beneath his feet and Dean’s shoulders go tense. He would know the sound of broken glass anywhere and he looks up in dismay to see the shattered remains of the front window of his room. 

“God Cas no…” Dean cautiously pokes his head through the window, side eyeing the broken glass hanging above him. 

“Cas?...” Dean looks into the dimly lit room, his face tight with anxiety and quilt. 

“Shit shit shit!” he groaned under his breath as he began to try and unlock the door, his sweaty hands slipping on the keys and making him cuss even harder.

Three failed attempts later Dean’s feet landed with a satisfying crunch on the glass-covered carpet inside after jumping through the window in frustration. 

The room is trashed and the door looks like a lion tried to get past it. Dean trails his fingers down the dried blood marks raking the door and bites his lip. 

The handle and lock have been demolished, knocked in and bent up. Dean presses the heels of his hands into his eyes when he thinks about Cas trying to knock down a door while barefoot. 

He’s sweating like he’s getting ready for the executioners block and he jumps back outside and looks the glass on the floor. Feathers and blood carpet the area, there’s more on the handle near by and the gutters above. 

Dean leans against the wall and tucks his shaking hands inside his jacket. He can’t tell if he’s cold or just terrified. 

“CAAASSSS!?!” Dean screams out, hoarse and broken sounding, he doesn’t care if anyone hears him and thinks he’s crazy. Castiel, angel of the lord, is out there flying in the cold, wounded, and alone. 

A sob breaks out of Dean before he runs back down the stairs and gets back into the Impala. 

And it’s all his fault.


	8. Collar kink?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I am so sorry this took so long you guys. This chapter has technically been finished since late July but I've been having a hard time finding a beta who can get it back to me quickly. I'm honestly starting to contemplate just rereading them a bunch instead of sending it to someone else. For example, chapter 9 is almost done but still needs to be beta'd and so I have no way of knowing when I can publish it :(. 
> 
> Again you can follow me on tumblr at dyingwhalebattlecry
> 
> Let me know what you think and if you think I should just skip using a beta
> 
> Please Enjoy!!!!!!

Dean crawls back into the dismantled hotel room just after 8 the next morning

He’s exhausted and drags his mud covered feet through the door, leaning against the wood as he lets weight slam it shut behind him. The sharp sound not even enough to jerk him from his stupor as his strained eyes scan the room in hopes that Cas made it back last night. 

He doubted Cas had returned, but Dean had been so tired and desperate, he had hoped and wished that maybe…

Dean’s eyes stutter back across to the table and his heart skips in his chest with fear. He thought he’d seen….

Dean rubs his eyes and groans, almost buckling forward as the pounding forming in his head brings itself to the forefront of his mind. 

Eyes reddened and watering, he looks back up, reaffirming to himself that he was not going insane. John Winchester had not just been standing by the table. Fists balled and a snarl spread across his face as he had silently screamed Deans name in rage. 

“You let me down Dean!”

Dean’s eyes bulge and he coughs violently as he struggles for air. He lunges to the sink and splashes cold water on his face before drinking straight from the faucet. 

A keen breaks from his lips and he leans into the counter, head resting against the cool metal faucet and eyes closing as he pants through his panic. 

“Cas… please man where are you?!”

His phone chimes in his pocket, another reminder of Sam’s text and concern. He hasn’t told Sam yet. He honestly doesn’t know if he could deal with that added stress or worse Gabriel’s wrath. 

He’d driven all night, going all over the town. Even going back to the old farmhouse and trudging out there in the cold black night. 

Now he was back to square one and old distressing thoughts were creeping their way bag into his mind. Each new wave of panic more exhausting and burdened than the last, each degrading whisper ricocheting like shrapnel in his mind sounding more and more like his father. 

The wind whistled through the broken window and Dean turned his head to look back over at it. 

“Shit” he groaned as he remembered that he needed to take care of that too. 

Dean ran his hands through his hair and pulled at the roots before shaking his head and standing back up, a whoosh of breathe exhaled before he walked back over to the window and began to pick up the bloodied feathers left behind. 

He gathered them all up, outside and in, grateful the wind hadn’t disrupted too much since last night. Also happy this hotel was so unoccupied at the moment. 

He stuffed them in a plastic bag and throws them into the impala when he went back down stairs, a lie already working on his tongue as he approached the front office. 

 

$400 dollars down later and Dean is back up in the room trying to clean up most of the mess and removing any other incriminating aspects. 

He’d told the guy he’d picked a fight with the wrong crowed at a bar last night and apparently they’d followed him back then ransacked the place when he’d left again. 

It probably helped that Dean looked like he’d gotten the shit kicked out of him right now, otherwise he would just have to say he managed to keep the guy from calling the cops on luck and paying mostly in cash. 

Dean looks at the bed and thinks about briefly sleeping, but he’s hungry and still needs to try the eastern side of town. He’s pretty sure the office will have someone up there soon enough to fix the window and door and he doesn’t want to be around for that. 

He would pick up some food in town; eat in the car and keep searching till 4 if he could, then try and go back for some sleep. After that though he knew he would have to call Sam and tell him, then get help from Gabriel. 

He wasn’t looking forward to that conversation. He couldn’t help but imagine the cruel universe Gabriel would stuff him in, probably another where he would die every damn day, or some freaked out version of Hell. 

For now though he needed to focus, he thought as he pulled out from the hotel again. He needed to keep his eyes to the sky and ask around if anyone had seen any unusually large birds….

 

Dean was barely functioning when he got back in the room later. Not a word or sight of Cas and all Dean could think about was how it was all his fault. He felt heavy and wanted nothing more than for the bed to swallow him whole.

He coiled up in the blanket and groaned, wishing they hadn’t already changed the sheets when all he could smell was soap. He just wanted to sleep, just wanted to pretend that this had never happened and when he woke up he’d have a face full of feathers. 

But instead he knew these couple of hours would be to clear his head in preparation for dealing with Gabriel. Dean groaned and rolled over again, finally letting exhaustion take him. 

 

Dean jerked awake when he realized the pounding in his dream had been someone knocking on his door. A cautious female voice called his name from the other side and Dean shook his head as he reached for his gun. Trying to shake off sleep before he dealt with the present issue that seemed to know his real name. 

“Excuse me! Does a Dean Winchester reside here?” 

Ok, now Dean knew something was going on. This couldn’t just be some random person. 

“Who’s asking?” 

“God, this guy really is a hardass… I have Castiel… and that isn’t in a threatening way, he is literally right next to…”

The door swung open to reveal a smiling and bandaged up Cas in clean clothes that chirped and ran at Dean the minute the door was open enough. 

Dean heard Cas make a choking noise right before cold water was thrown on him. 

Dean sputtered and looked through squinted eyes at the short and dark skinned girl before him. “Let me guess, holy water.”

“Sorry, I had to be sure he wasn’t leading me into a trap, or that you could be trusted. You can go to him now.” 

Dean saw a gold chain be passed into Castiels hands and then the angel was on him. 

Dean hadn’t realized how cold he was until he was engulfed in Castiels arms and feathers. Those familiar smells surrounding him seemed to clear the air around him, and Dean breathed deeper then he had in the past 24 hours. 

Cas stuffed his face against Dean’s neck and made a sound akin to purring and Dean caught himself kissing along Cas’s hairline and murmuring into his ear. 

He froze and his eyes shot up to the female observing them from the door. 

“I’m jealous, you must be something awfully special to have caught an angel’s attention like that.”

Dean coughed and gave Cas one more squeeze and a manly pat on the shoulder before pushing the angel back, adjusting to the feeling of his blood suddenly singing and try to keep his hands from shaking by tightly crossing his arms. He decided to go for his best ‘I’m in charge look’ as he sized up the smiling girl. 

“Thanks for…”

“For finding him, healing him, dressing him, feeding him, and returning him? Oh you’re quite welcome.” She held a smug expression that made Dean want to shuffle his feet. Despite this, there was a fondness in her eyes that softened her gaze, as she looked over Castiel again and then once more to Dean. 

“Seriously though, I’m sorry I couldn’t get him back here sooner, or call you. His communication is limited, as you know, and he didn’t have a clue what to do with a phone.” She held an arm over the archway “My name is Rabia, may I come in?” 

Dean looked at her hand and then again into her eyes, his face still tight with caution. But he reached for her hand “Dean, and sure.” He pulled away from the door and let her enter, closing the door behind her and locking it. 

“So Rabia, maybe you can fill in my blank spots. Where exactly has Cas been and what happened?” 

“Well, I’m not sure what happened on your end, but I found Cas huddled under a tree around one in the morning. I’d been out looking for mushrooms and stumbled upon him.”

“You were mushroom hunting at one in the morning?” Dean raised an eyebrow, pulling away slightly as Cas started rubbing his cheek up and down Dean’s arm. “Quit it…”

“Uhhh, I might as well fess up to this part so you understand. Please don’t kill me, but I’m a witch. So yes, I was mushroom hunting at one, it had just rained and there is this swamp no too far from my place. I was hoping it might have been warm enough for a couple to pop up.”

“You’re a witch and you helped return a debilitated angel to me out of the kindness of your heart?” Dean asked incredulously, smirking like he’d caught her in a trap. 

“No, I already received my payment for helping him.” Three long dark feathers appeared in her hand and she fanned herself dramatically with them. 

“A much better find than mushrooms if I may say.” She winked over at Cas and the angel hissed at her but then walked over to let her scratch at the base of his skull. Dean squinted and his shoulders tensed up visibly. 

“Anyway I got him home. He didn’t fight me too much, even when I told him I was a witch. He mostly shivered and sobbed through the car ride. Then I got him home and bathed him, dressed his wounds. None of them are too bad but there is one on his back left shoulder blade that you should pay attention to over the next few days. Got him in some clean clothes” 

Rabia pulled a plastic bag out of her purse and handed it over to Dean.

“Those are his old clothes, but they’re washed. Umm, after that I let him sleep for a few hours but I was kinda panicking cause, you know I had a weird version of an angel in my house. I didn’t know if he was on the run or what not. But once I got some food in him he opened up to me. He kept saying “Dean” a lot whenever I asked questions. Finally I dug out an old scrabble set and managed to more or less figure out what he needed and what happened.”

“Wait a second, you had an actual conversation with him? Like fully formed sentences and everything?!” Deans eye’s had gone wide and Rabia shifted at his raised voice. 

“I’m sorry, it doesn’t work like that. Using the Scrabble set really just helped clear up what he meant or needed. He described you as hunter, trust, family and Dean. He would grab some letters and I would form words out of them until I got it right. That’s how I figured out where you were.”

Dean looked wistfully at Cas before turning a weak smile to Rabia “well, it’s better than nothing. What’s with the chain?” Dean asked as Cas wrapped a gold chain around Dean’s hand.

“It’s his leash.” 

Dean found himself focusing in on the gold around his hand and felt a deep blush crawl over his body. 

“It’s part of a collar set.” Rabia fanned at Castiels neck and an iron collar appeared. Dean fingered at the contraption in concern. It appeared comfortably tight, with Dean having enough space to slip a finger underneath it to feel the leather padding behind it. Strange runes covered it and they shimmered in red as Cas turned his head to watch as Dean examined him. The gold chain latched at the middle with a toggle clasp. 

“How do…” Dean coughed heavy in his throat when the sound of his voice came out lower than normal. 

“How do you take it off?” 

“Just say this. Stin wah unad, bo dii lokal" A light ping of metal drew Dean’s attention to the collar again as a hinge appeared and the iron opened and fell free from Castiels neck. It dangled from the chain still wrapped around Dean’s hand and swung back and forth, the weight tugging heavier on his hand than he had expected. 

“I’ll write both charms down, one to lock it, one to open it, and one to track him, but I’m going to need your help with that part. I need to make you the new owner.”

“Wait owner? He’s not some pet!”

“No, he isn’t, but this collars main purpose is for tracking, but it’s very selective. Once I transfer you as owner you will be the only one who can successfully scry for him. As well, others who understand this type of magic will recognize the insignia and know not to touch him… hopefully at least. That part doesn’t come with a guarantee.”

“And what kind of magic is this exactly?” Dean asked as he rolled his eyes and dropped the collar onto the table Rabia had sat down at. 

“Blood binding and dragon magic.” 

Although she didn’t hesitate, Dean could see her stiffen as she answered him. Her shoulders tensing up like she expected him to either scream at her or suddenly slit her throat. 

“Ahhhh, well that sounds…. Not fun.”

“Dean, blood binding is an ancient form of magic used by thousands of different types of people spanning hundreds of religions. There are worse things you could do.”

“Right, that makes me feel much better about it, now what was that about dragons?!” 

“You don’t need to worry, most of them are extinct and I only choose the dragon language because their binding and tracking magic is so much more powerful than even a demons. As well, there are few on this planet who speak that language or can even translate it, so it’s safer for the both of you.”

Rabia began to remove items from her purse and lay them out on the table. A note pad and pen, then a crystal bowl and a paper bag that she emptied into the bowl revealing many different herbs, some of which Dean couldn’t recognize. 

Finally she pulled out a matchbox and an oddly shaped dagger, made from a material Dean had never seen. 

The hilt looked like hammered gold, but the weathered marks gave away its age. Small fingered sized groves that told of the hundreds of hands that had once touched and handled it. 

No guard stood between the hilt and the odd talon shaped blade it attached to. The gold ended at a white that seemed to bleed into a smoky gray. The last inch turned even darker before dropping off at black along the very tip. 

The dagger was no more than a foot in length, with the hilt and pommel only taking up three inches of that. 

Dean felt his fingers twitch as he eyed the mysterious blade. Rabia was focused writing on the notepad and Dean let his fingers move up and slide gently over the curve. His pulse stilling in his heart when he felt how warm to the touch the thing was, as though it was a rock left out in the sun. 

Cas and Dean both jerked when Rabia’s hand snapped out and wrapped around Dean’s wrist, yanking it back. 

“Please don’t touch that” she said, glaring up at him. Dean pulled at his wrist and raised an eyebrow when he was unable to free himself; his body tensing on instinct for a fight. 

“I don’t mean to alarm you” she released his wrist but kept her eyes locked onto his “This blade is very old, a gift, from a long long time ago to a bride from my family. I would appreciate it if you refrained from touching anything unless specifically told to?” Rabia prompted as she quirked an eyebrow towards him in question. 

“Yeah, alright fine. Let’s just get this over with.” Dean answered rubbing his wrist absently and watching her begin to go through the herbs in the crystal bowl. 

“What is that stuff anyway? Nothing I’m gonna have to drink?” Dean sat across from her at the table and Cas came over quickly and sat between them on the floor.

“Actually, you have two choices. I need you to either eat these three flowers dry or I can chop them up and you can drink them, whichever works for you.” Rabia pulled three large flowers out of the bowl, one white, one orange and another bright red. 

“Well I know that one is a lily, but what’s the other, and aren’t lilies toxic to people?” Dean took the flowers from her and rubbed the soft petals between his fingers. 

“The red one is red salvia, non-toxic. The white lily is a Sapporo lily, an oriental and non-toxic as well. The orange is nasturtium, which should actually taste pretty good. So what’s it gonna be?” She asked as she began to grind the remaining plants in the bowl. 

Dean took a careful bite through the thick lily petal and swallowed without chewing. “I think I can handle this way” he took another bite “do I have to eat the whole thing?”

“Yes, pollen parts and all. I recommend bigger bites” Rabia smiled and examined him under her lashes.

Dean made a retching face and bit back a whole leaf “It’s like eating salad.”

She gave a curt laugh and continued grinding.

“So what’s in the rest of the bowl?” Dean inquired, attempting to distract himself from his job. 

“Dill, honeysuckle, violet, flax, rue, begonia, and grass”

“Just… regular old grass?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow and twitching his lip to hold back a smile.

“Yeah I know, but not all spells require blood of the virgin and chicken legs. This spell is much more word based and your blood will be very important. The key to the ingredients is more about intent and goal.” 

Rabia took the collar from the table, removing the leash, and rubbed a handful of the herbs over it, tracing over each rune with a finger, and then seating it in the bowl. 

“Ok this is where you come in. I will need to make a slit down your wrist, about two inches above your wrist bone that travels all the way down to the tip of your middle finger.”

“Uhhh” Dean looked at her incredulously “that is a lot of blood sister.” 

“I wont cut deep, but it is a blood binding ritual, it will take a decent portion of your blood. And a few drops of Castiels.” She looked to the angel who nodded in acknowledgement, already familiar with this spell from last night. 

“jeez, alright lets just do this” Dean rolled up his left sleeve and brought his hand palm up on the table. 

“While I am making the incision I will need you to repeat this sentence.” Rabia pushed the notepad over to Dean and pointed to the first sentence written down. “And that first u in Zu’u, sounds like ew. So Zew’uh if that helps any.”

“Kay, thanks.” Rabia brought the point of the dagger above Dean’s wrist and pushed down slightly before meeting his eyes. 

Dean nodded and he felt the first sting as the point cut into him and blood began to trickle out. Rabia began to drag the dagger down his arm. 

“Oo lot dovah” Dean felt his whole arm twitch as it wanted to free itself from the pain. Only growing worse when it hit the thin skin where his palm met his wrist. 

“Zu'u yah wah gron” He finished as she sliced the skin of his middle finger to the tip before the nail. 

Then Rabia began, picking his hand up and directing him to hold it vertically above the bowl with his middle finger just dangling above the herbs. 

“daar gein los mul do fen ahrk yah wah rel”

Dean watched the collar begin to light up, like heated metal. 

“kun daar sos wah miir ol ungol” 

The collar began to shake, softly clanking against the crystal bowl before a whistle began to echo through the room, like a teapot ready to be taken off the kettle. 

“fah Zu'u siifur, rel, ahrk dein daar gein”

Cas moved his hand next to Dean’s and Rabia made a small incision in his thumb, holding the digit as a few drops fell into the concoction below. Cas then pulled his hand back and sucked at the wound. She quickly lit a match and dropped it into the bowl, a copper cloud of smoke rising quickly as the contents formed a small fire. 

“imaar daar sil wah zey fah Zu'u lost hren grin ko lokal”

The heated light on the metal dissipated and Dean could see the original red in the symbols was vanishing with it. 

“rok fent meyz fod Zu'u yah mok, sosaal fod Zu'u hind, ahrk krahsek wah dii fen”

Dean watched as the pool of blood and herbs began to lower, and red returned to the symbols carved into the iron. Any fire left sunk down before extinguishing. 

“fah nu erei mu ney lay dilon uv Zu'u hind ok stinun. Oo lot dovah imzik nii ful!”

All of the blood in the bowl vanished and the whistling in the room came to an abrupt and eerie end. 

Rabia took a deep breath and shuddered, her eyelids fluttered before she opened them and gingerly picked up the collar. She turned it this way and that in her hands before humming and looking up to meet Dean’s anxious gaze. 

“It worked! Everything worked out perfectly and you are now Cas’s new owner. Congrats!” She grinned and got up from the table “would you like me to collar him or would you? I would like to hear your pronunciation before I leave.” 

Dean looked down at Cas, who was still sitting cross-legged on the floor, and was giving him a big wide smile. “Uhh, yeah we might as well, I’ll do it. Which spell is to close it?”

“The second one” She stated as she refitted the collar around Cas’s neck. The angel then stood up to meet Dean. 

“Ok umm” Dean cleared his throat “Ungol wah gron, wah zey dii rez.”

The collar clicked shut; the hinge vanishing again and Rabia smiled as she slid a finger underneath it. 

“Good pronunciation, we should practice the other two before I leave. The first one was to release the collar, do you have any questions about that one or should I say it again?”

“Nah, it seems pretty simple and I remember the way it sounded when you said it. What is the third one for?” Dean asked, picking up the list. 

“The third spell is for tracking, just have a map open and circle a scrying crystal above it. The nice part about this spell is you wont need any of Castiels belongings to successfully track him, the spell is just that powerful.” Rabia gave a proud smile

“It can track his movements as well if he’s flying, just keep the crystal above the map and it will follow him.” 

“sizaan wah ven, drun yar fos los ungol?” Dean spoke out tentatively to Rabia and she nodded. 

“Go a little easier on the aa in sizaan, it’s more of an ahh than a aaann sound.” 

Dean nodded and dropped the paper down next to his duffle bag; he turned back and watched Rabia clean up her stuff back into her purse. 

“Well, it looks like you guys are all set, and remember he’s got that bad cut on his left shoulder, ummm” she fished around in her bag one more time “this is my card, give me a call if anything goes wrong or he gets back into working order and you want to return the collar.” 

“Yeah, thanks for this I guess, but hopefully there wont be much more need for it.” Dean began as he joined her by the door.

“Still, thanks for getting him back here in one piece, you saved me from a giant pile of angry older brother angel wrath” Dean smirked as he opened the door.

“Shit, well you are very welcome then. Alright, bye Castiel, try to not get him in too much trouble.” Rabia gave the angel a small smile and scratched at his hairline again when he ran over to her.

“You two have fun.” She said with a wink before giving a quick wave at Dean and walking out the door. 

Once the door clicked shut and Dean slid the lock back in place, he felt frozen to the spot and the hair on the back of his neck prickled when he thought of Castiel standing right behind him. He had a lot to apologize for. 

“Cas I… “ Dean turned around and leaned back against the door. Cas was looking up at him, all squinty eyed, and his wings looked fluffed out and ungroomed. 

Dean swallowed and sighed before reaching over and taking the angels calloused hand and tugging him over to the bed. Dean hopped into the middle and sat cross-legged then patted the spot right in front of him. 

“Let me see your wings Cas.”

He immediately burst into a wide smile and squeaked before sitting down and flaring his wings out. Dean felt his own lips tug as he felt Cas’s joy flow into his fingers as he began to work feathers back into place. 

“It sounds like Rabia took pretty good care of you” Dean breathed out as he tenderly massaged the bone. Cas hummed in response and tilted his head to the side.

“Better than me I bet” Dean laughed out nervously. Cas stilled beneath him, seeming to be pondering exactly what Dean was saying as Dean continued to work in silent anxiety and quilt. Dean felt Cas pushing backwards before he actually recognized it, and by then he pretty much had a lap full of angel. 

“Cas I can’t… what are you doing man?” Dean felt warmth bloom through his body; both from the angels body heat pressing against him and from something else entirely. 

Cas chirped and leaned his head back to rest it on Dean’s shoulder. He tucked his nose against Dean’s neck and let out a purr of contentment. 

Dean gulped and looked down at Castiels bared neck, the iron collar still so alien to see. That was his blood in there. Blood that bound Cas to him and did god knows what else. Dean visibly shivered, goose bumps breaking out all over his body, and he swore he could feel his pupils dilating. His mind racing back to that kiss and how appropriate it would feel to kiss Cas right now; maybe not on the lips but… somewhere, anywhere. 

Always beating him to the punch though, Dean felt tiny kisses trace below his ear and make him shiver again. A warm pressure met the bottom of his ear that immediately made Dean squirm before he shot back in surprise at teeth bit down onto his ear lobe. 

“Dude! What the hell?!” Dean cried as he palmed the strange sensation away from his ear. 

Cas blushed and tucked his face back against Dean’s neck “Dean, better” was all he whispered as he relaxed back into Dean’s chest. 

Dean tucked his own chin down as he felt warmth crawl up his neck and cheeks. He turned and placed a chaste kiss at Cas’s temple before circling his arms around the angel and squeezing. 

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internet cookie to whomever can tell me what language I used for the binding spell! ;)


	9. Free to be Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> His excuse was that his computer was broken... sure it was. I'm so sorry it took forever again, it seems so strange that almost a year ago I was on some slight pattern and then it all went down hill. But as a reward for waiting so long, we finally get to the good stuff this chapter!!!! ;) Hope you enjoy and I love comments and kudos!!

Dean thought it would be best to not inform Sam of everything that had happened until he got back in the next day. Although he did finally respond to Sam’s angry messages and let him know everything was ok. 

It was, predictably, not Sam who was most upset about what had happened. 

“You let a witch bind my little brother to you? And you let her live? It’s official, you Dean Winchester are the worst hunter EVER!” Gabriel was clearly enraged but Dean was an older brother, and he could recognize that well hidden concern and fear underneath all the anger. 

“Look, I screwed up, but everything is fine now. It worked out, Cas is okay, and this is better isn’t it? If you and Sam are constantly running off I can handle any emergencies on my own.” 

“She was a witch Winchester and she could have done something to him. You got lucky, damn lucky, the kind of luck that only happens TO YOU DAMN WINCHESTERS, and next time if you manage to find him at all, he’ll probably be dead!” 

“Listen ass, I’m only human, I can’t just poof into the sky and find him in seconds, but with this I can. She helped us and Cas trusted her. He may not be at full power but he’s not an idiot so stop treating him like some dumb puppy and give him some credit.” 

Dean huffed and tried to will his heart rate back down. Balancing on that thin line with how much you can verbally insult an angel before it beats the crap out of you. 

Gabriels fists were clenched and there was a light shake to his shoulders. Dean caught Sam moving back slightly to press against his duffle and slip a hand into it. 

“Come here Castiel” Gabriel commanded and the smaller angel winced at the tone but moved to stand before the archangel, his shoulders low and chin tucked in. 

Gabriel fingered over the collar and chain, eyes squinting at the runes. 

“I’m assuming she gave you a specific spell in the dragon tongue to remove the collar?” Gabriel asked, tilting his head back over to Dean.

“Yeah, one to close it, open it, and track him.” 

“Give me the spells, I’m not going to let you have this kind of power over my little brother.” Gabriel reached his palm out to Dean and glared at him. 

“The scrying spell will only work for me and if I’m still watching him I need this. It’s not like I’m abusing him. If he told me he didn’t want it on I would take it off.” 

“That’s not the point Deano, this collar has a lot of power, and you did a powerful spell and hold a powerful item. You have no idea of exactly what you’ve got your hands on and that makes it even worse. Sorry, but I can’t let you keep this.”

“No!” Cas yelled out and ran in front of Gabriel, spreading his wings out all the way till they grazed the walls. He wrapped his hands around the collar like a child protecting a favorite toy.

“Mine! Trust Dean! No Gabriel!”

It happened fast, that fake little smirk, cockiness for the sake of it. But the hurt was obvious in Gabriel’s eyes just as he brought that arrogant mask down. Gabriel gave a weak chuckle and held his arms out in surrender. A lollipop appeared in his mouth and Dean flinched at the thick crack as Gabriel bit down through the hard shell. 

He cocked his head slightly and squinted between Cas and Dean before closing his eyes and smiling. “Fine. Dean, you want me to give Castiel more credit? Here it is. This happens again I’m not only removing the collar, I’m taking Castiel and hiding him somewhere myself, storing him under angelic lock and key so to speak. Until then though, this is me trusting Castiel, not you.”

Castiel had tucked his wings back in towards his body and backed up to Dean again. Pushing a wing out to the older Winchester in search of comfort. Gabriel gave a smirk that made Dean blush scarlet when he saw Cas twist the gold chain around Dean’s hand. 

“Dean, if I had known this was all about you two wanting to play out a collar kink you should have come to me. I would have gotten you a much prettier one, and maybe even some fluffy cat ears and a tail to go with it.”

Sam made some type of choking sound behind Dean and the older brother quickly turned around to defend that that was certainly not what was happening. Although he wanted to punch Gabriel in the face, he couldn’t deny his joy in turning back around to discover he had left. 

Dean sighed and rubbed at his eyes before turning back to Sam “So Death out of the box aside” Dean pressed his palms down into the table and leaned, letting the creaking wood take his weight “where to next?” 

Honestly, the mere thought of Death roaming free and that the Colt sure wasn’t going to work had Dean going through a tailspin. Here they were, already hanging on by the skin of their teeth, only to find out that that skin had already snapped under their weight. 

“Well, I kind of already picked up a job” Sam offered shuffling closer to Dean.

“You what?” Dean turned quickly and lifted an eyebrow at his brother. 

“I got a call from Martin, one of dads old hunter buddies. He was the guy that…”

“I know who Martin is Sammy, but what’s the job?” 

“Well… Martin’s got himself locked up in an asylum…”

“Great, please tell me he doesn’t want us to steal his ass out of there.”

“No, actually he wants… uhh well, he wants us to enter ourselves into the asylum. He says something is killing the patients and making it look like accidents. It would be kind of like the time we got put in prison. Except, we would have to get ourselves out.” 

“Martin really thinks it’s something supernatural? Not just some crazy doctor?”

“Yeah, he said one of the patients died right down his hall and the guy was screaming for help. But Martin never saw anyone enter or leave the cell.”

“Alright. So all we got to do is get ourselves checked into an asylum.” Sam finally lit up with a smile at the purposefully deadpan look on his brother’s face. 

“Yeah, that part doesn’t sound too hard. I’ll figure out more of the details with Gabe on the road.” Sam ignored Dean’s balking face at the nickname. “I’m all packed still so we can leave whenever you guys are set. I’m gonna go pick us up some food for the road.” 

“Kay, we can probably be all set in 20.” Dean responded as he waved Sam off. 

Dean went to the bathroom and began packing up his toiletries that had escaped his duffle over the past few days. Letting his mind wander as he tried to list through everything that could make a death look like a suicide or accident. They didn’t have nearly enough info and he would have to remind Sam to stop at the morgue before they went undercover to examine the bodies. 

He noticed the stillness in the room just as he was picking up some stray dirty socks. 

“Cas… you okay?” 

The angel was rigid, to the point of shaking, almost as if he was afraid to move. Dean’s eyes scanned the room, fearing Castiel was sensing something he couldn’t see. 

“Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean took a few steps closer and brought an arm up before the angel, an offering of comfort. 

Cas looked up into Dean’s eyes and Dean could see the red brim of tears building. 

“Cas?” Dean asked concerned, finally closing the distance and rubbing up and down Castiels arms.

Cas sputtered a few seconds and then took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “No Gabriel, only Dean!” He managed to pipe out before folding into Dean’s arms and pressing his face into Dean’s chest. 

He was shaking and dry heaving and Dean could only assume that the idea of them being separated again triggered Castiels memory and made him panic. He sighed around the angel and squeezed his eyes closed to fight against the wave of quilt and concern that edged along his mind. 

“It’s alright Cas, I’m not going to let us get separated again. Not if I can help it” Dean tilted Cas’s chin up so their eyes could meet. 

Despite the redness, Castiel’s eyes were filled with hope and devotion. So much in fact that Dean felt the breath in his chest lock up and leave him feeling heavy. Dean let his thumb run along the hard edge of Castiel’s jaw and smiled softly. 

“You’re gonna need a shave soon” Dean felt smooth skin under the pad of his thumb and his eyes followed his hand to see his thumb pressing against Cas’s bottom lip, parting them slightly. 

Dean became so aware in that moment of how warm he was and how close he was standing to Cas. Dean suddenly felt very subconscious of how dried out his mouth felt and his tongue darted out to lick his lips. 

Castiel’s eyes shot to the motion and Dean stood frozen in awe as Cas’s tongue slid forward and gingerly licked at the tip of his thumb. 

Dean swallowed and his eyes glanced between Castiel’s eyes and his lips before leaning down. He kept his thumb in place, holding Cas still for him with just that single bit of pressure. 

He felt the alien presence of his thumb as he pressed his lips around Castiel’s, but it did little to hamper the sensations he felt as he focused on every little detail. Making sure to memorize the warmth, texture and taste, too afraid that he would forget like the time at the farm. 

Cas’s lips were open to Dean’s, and as though on instinct, Dean’s tongue swept over the angels bottom lip before making it’s way inside and tasting out Castiel’s tongue in an experimental caress. 

The angel reciprocated, flicking the tip of his tongue along Dean’s and clearly deciding he liked the sensation as he tried to open his mouth wider. 

But Dean’s thumb held his lip in place, and the rest of his hand steadied Cas’s jaw. Castiel wiggled in place and Dean felt pressure at his hips as Cas brought his fingers through Dean’s belt loops and tried to pull Dean in closer to him. 

Dean was having a hard enough time denying himself the wonderful idea of rutting against the angels hips. But Cas wasn’t even in his right mind and they only had a little bit of time left till Sam got back. And if Dean was completely honest, he wasn’t entirely confident in the area of gay sex with a guy who has wings and communication issues. 

Dean growled into the kiss in frustration and felt Cas shudder under his hands before he made a whimpering sound and full on pressed their pelvises together. 

Dean hissed sharply and pulled away, holding a whining and dull-eyed Castiel at arms length when the angel tried to follow him. 

“Cas man, you are not making this easy for me. I don’t even think you know what you’re doing and I sure as hell don’t. We can’t do this, I’m sorry but please, we really cannot do this.” 

Dean could barely meet Castiel’s eyes. He knew Sam’s puppy eyes were bad but Christ this took the gold medal. Cas wiggled again in his arms and Dean’s eyes drifted down to the outline of Castiel’s full erection through his pants. 

He tightened his grip on the angel’s shoulders and tightened the reigns on the squall of emotions inside of him before pushing Cas to sit down on one of the beds. 

“Stay Cas. Do not move from this spot, do not touch yourself, just stay on the bed and try to take deep breathes and” Dean turned the TV on “and just watch sports okay?” 

Dean wasn’t meaning to sound angry or upset with Cas, but the angel withered a little under his gaze before whimpering and nodding his head yes. 

Dean turned away and sighed, raking his fingers through his hair and pulling in frustration. He went back around the room, picking up clothes and packing before finally resorting to just tiding up the place. He would sneak quick glances down at Cas to try and figure out how Cas was dealing with his erection. 

It did seem smaller, but Cas would squirm and then blush and give these breathy little gasps that would make his face pinch up. And for the first time in his life Dean blushed with the realization that he had just blue balled a guy. The idea would probably have made him laugh if it wasn’t that he felt so damn bad about it. 

He was a dude; he’d been there before. And the idea that he’d just done that to Cas before a daylong drive made him feel especially heartless. But he didn’t think Castiel knew how to masturbate and he wasn’t about to tutor the guy. Especially not with Sam getting back any minute. 

Dean sat down on the bed next to Cas, keeping them a few inches apart. “I’m sorry man” Dean gave a tired smile at the pathetic and withered look Cas shot him. “I promise… ahhhh… look I promise when we get to Oklahoma I will at least help you figure out how to feel better.” Dean clapped Cas on the knee and pushed up from the bed. 

“But not now, we gotta get moving soldier.” Cas glared at him and Dean couldn’t hide the little smirk on his mouth as he began to pile bags on his shoulder. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

You know what sucks? 19-hour car rides. You know what sucks even more? Being hyper aware of the angel you just blue balled sending you bedroom eyes the whole time you’re driving. 

By the time they get to the hotel Dean is both exhausted and yet oddly anxious with a strange underlying sensation of arousal. Something about feeling like something exciting was going to happen when they checked in. 

He knew he’d promised Castiel when they got here he would help take care of him. But everyone was beat and there was no way Sam was going to be leaving any time soon. 

Dean really just wanted to sleep. Sam had already changed into sweats, his shoes discarded as he flexed his feet out and suddenly had about a miles worth of leg as the joints popped. 

Something about watching that single motion made Dean feel heavy and made the bed look like a beckoning lover. He looked to Cas and watched him lazily pull his own shoes off. His head drooping lazily to the side and before a wide yawn left him gaping. 

Dean folded his coat over a chair and scratched at his stomach while he pulled the blankets down. “You ready for bed Cas?” Dean asked, no longer embarrassed about sharing his bed with the angel, even with Sam in the room. 

Cas gave a sleepy nod and curled up on the opposite side. He stayed on his stomach for a moment as he stretched his wings as high as he could. Tips bunching against the ceiling as his stiff wing joints popped and cracked. 

Sam chuckled across from them and turned into his pillow, the lights turning off with a muffled ‘night’. 

Dean felt the weight and warmth as Cas let his wings fall lazy around him, one falling across Dean’s chest. He raked his fingers into the feathers; they were such a mess from being pressed into a car seat all day. Dean’s last thought before his mind numbed out for sleep was that he had to remember to groom Cas tomorrow. 

 

Dean wasn’t completely sure why he woke up or when, but it was still dark in the room and Sam was breathing heavy with sleep. Next to him Cas was still and curled up tightly, shadow covered wings draping over the other side of bed, leaving Cas’s face pointed toward him. 

Dean focused around him, listening for any other noise that may have woken him up, creaking doors or windows. 

But there was nothing and Dean frowned as he readjusted, wondering what it was that had woken him and hoping he could get back to sleep. 

He was still and breathing easy for a few moments before he felt the bed move as Cas wiggled. He dismissed it and tried to focus on going back to sleep still, when it happened again and then again. 

Dean turned his head enough to watch Cas turn onto his stomach and pull his wings in tight to his body. Dean watched him shift around a bit more before the sheets tugged around the curve of Castiels ass when the angel pushed and rubbed his pelvis against the mattress below. 

The small hiss Cas released was caught in the pillow, but Dean knew it was there. Knew it in the way he pulled his lips back and furrowed his brow like he was in pain, then bit down on his bottom lip like he’d found physical salvation. 

And Dean’s not tired anymore, no, he can’t be. Not when every muscle in his body is constricting and focusing in on the body that’s grinding into the bed beside him. 

He wants to do a million things right now. Wants to turn over and roll Cas underneath him and let him grind against him, wants to take Cas in his hand and help him realize how good it can be, wants to tease him in ways Dean’s never even tried to tease before. 

Instead he lies there and listens cause he’s not even sure he would be wanted let alone what to do. He doesn’t want Castiel to feel ashamed about this. Dean is sure the angel understands what’s going on, he just isn’t sure how to handle it. 

Cas wiggles some more and Dean can see his fingers digging into the sheets, turning his knuckles white; Cas whines and Dean could hear that one. 

Cas locks up frozen, aware enough to know better than to wake anyone up. Dean stiffens for a second before gently rolling completely onto his side, his face less then a foot from Castiels. Though Cas’s face still presses into the pillow, Dean can see his body tighten up from underneath his eyelashes. 

He pauses in his plan to chew over the fact that if he doesn’t pull through with… whatever he’s about to do, he probably just made things worse for the poor guy. 

Cas doesn’t even look like he’s breathing anymore, just lying there and staring at Dean and watching. Dean adjusts a little; wiggling until his own feet are touching Cas’s, the angel flinches and then relaxes. 

Dean lets his eyes relax open, finally willing to meet Castiels gaze. But the angel’s eyes are pinched shut now and Dean is confused for a second before he sees the sheet move as Cas drags a hand over to Dean. He doesn’t flinch when Cas wraps his fingers around his wrist or pull back when he begins to slowly pull Dean’s hand closer to his body. 

Dean was assuming this was leading to Cas putting his junk in Dean’s hand, but Cas stops pulling right before his groin. He just twines their fingers together and takes a deep breath, another small whine pressed into the pillow as he tries to relax his body. 

Dean’s not sure what he feels, but shock rides out every emotion as he settles on the idea that Cas is trying to get control of this; ever the soldier. This weird twisted swell of pride surges through him followed by lust that makes his own cock give a twitch. 

He has to do this, because Cas deserves it, cause the guy’s been blue balled on accident and doesn’t know what to do and it’s Dean’s job to train him. 

Dean swallows and bites his lip before beginning to stroke his fingers against Cas’s, letting him know that he is awake. This time, Dean watches the realization dawn on the angels face before he opens his own eyes and turns his face to see Dean. But Dean isn’t quiet there yet; he isn’t about to look a guy straight in the eyes as he helps jack him off. 

He closes his eyes again but lets his lip curl up into a private smirk; thinking of the secret that he’s about to share with the angel next to him. 

He pulls at his fingers till Cas lets him untwine them and then Dean pushes his hand forward the last inch until he’s touching just above the line of Castiels boxers. Cas’s flinches again, pulling back and whining again. He’s so confused and conflicted, terrified of Dean touching him and yet desperate for some unknown fulfillment. 

Dean lets a calm hush through his lips and strokes along the skin bared to him, steadying Cas with the repetitive motion. Cas stops moving and lies there but Dean can feel him breathing heavy against his face. 

Every other stroke and caress Dean begins to let his fingers travel more, sometimes under the lining of the boxers sometimes lower, but above the fabric. Dean opens his eyes quickly, Cas is biting his lip till its white and his eyes are shut but his brows furrowed like he’s in pain. 

Dean lets his hand travel a bit more confidently on the next sweep and he trails his fingers along the line of Castiels erection. With nothing but the thin boxer cotton between them, Dean can feel the heat radiating off the erection, and he presses one finger down harder as he trails it. 

Cas gave off a choked out gasp and turned his head away, his hips starting to lift ever so slightly as he chased the friction. Dean smirked and closed his eyes again, turning his face into his shoulder and separating himself from the moment. 

He finally palmed at the heat beneath his hand and circled it with his fingers. Cas whimpered loudly, Dean’s eyes shot open and he quickly stopped. Yanking his hand from under the sheet and settling it over Castiels mouth. He could feel the lips beneath his palm vibrate as Cas groaned, Dean dared a quiet hush and the angel nodded, turning his face back to Dean and staring at him with wide desperate eyes. 

Dean listened in the following silence to track Sam’s still even breathing before returning his hand with renewed purpose. Firmly grasping the warm stiff member and letting his hand slide up and down the fabric.   
He pulled at the head a few times, feeling the very tip, where the cloth stretched over dampen with pre-come. 

Castiels body jerked up and his lips curled in as he tried to keep all those desperate noises locked inside him. He couldn’t stop moving. Every pull of Dean’s fist, every swipe of fingers had the angel jerking and twitching. And Dean could feel both the hot puff of Cas’s panting on his face, but also the cool current of air pushed at him whenever Castiels wings flexed or fanned on a good stroke. 

Dean knew he probably shouldn’t, but he secretly made his goal be to keep Cas’s wings moving. To Dean, every twitch was a moan, every flex an arching back, and every flap a pleading whine. Castiels silent wings were speaking for him and Dean found himself forced to keep his eyes open as he watched the feathered puppets dance before him.

Dean is close enough now to see the shine on Castiels wet lips, to see how big and black his pupils have gone. He could close that distance easily and get to feel Cas’s silent moans through his gaping mouth. He licks his own lips and starts rubbing faster. 

He’s barely aware of how his own hips are rotating now, the occasional tug of fabric enough to make his jaw clench. But his own pleasure wasn’t enough to pull him from this moment as he watched Cas dig his fingers into the sheets again and bear down on his teeth. 

Castiel must have been close, his eyes, which had been open and unfocused a moment ago, were now closed and tense. He had turned his head farther into the pillow and was biting into the fabric, tiny distressed noises bubbling up from his throat. 

Dean’s concern overrode how awkward he felt, and he finally moved in closer, resting his face just along Castiels. He planted a single reassuring kiss on Cas’s jaw. 

“It’s okay Cas, I promise, it’s okay. I’ve got you, just trust me, I’ve got you.”

Castiel let another distressed whine vibrate up his throat before he swallowed and started panting harder against Dean’s ear, tucking himself closer to Dean and wrapping his fingers into Dean’s sleep shirt. 

Dean’s hand stroked harder along the base of Castiel cock then pulled quickly at the head, just the way Dean liked to touch himself when he was close. Cas’s hips jerked forward more, trying to steer Dean’s hand where he wanted it. 

As quick as waking from a dream, Cas’s whole body tensed and his breathing cut short. Dean could feel warm liquid soak through and spread through the underwear beneath his hand. His own hips gyrated as he imagined what Castiel’s face must look like and the sounds he would have made. Dean watched instead, as a magnificent pair of wings snapped to full length and quivered, before flapping awkwardly in rhythm with Castiels gyrating hips. .

The crash behind him sent Dean jerking back from Cas and quickly gathering sheets around his crotch. 

“Wha’ the Hellll?!” Sam groaned as he jumped up from bed. 

“It’s nothing!” Dean piped out, blushing in the dark at how high-pitched he’d just sounded. 

“I think… uhhhh…. I think Cas just had a nightmare, his wings were flapping” Dean could hear Sam’s hand scrabbling at the wall and where the lamp was supposed to be. 

“Yeah, everything is okay, but the lamp…” Dean watched as Sams shadow covered back bent over the side of his bed. “The lamp fell on the ground and broke, uhhh!” Sam was rubbing at his head. 

“I’m not cleaning that up right now.”

“Don’t worry about it Sam, just leave it for the morning.”

“Dean, there’s glass all over the floor!”

“We’ll remember it’s there, the lack of ugly ass highlighter green lamp on the table should be enough to remind us of what happened.” 

Sam groaned and turned back over in his bed, huffing but too tired to care anymore. 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Cas whined against Dean’s shoulder. 

Dean leaned in closer to Castiels ear and brushed his hands soothingly along Cas’s hips and arms. “Hey, it’s okay, you did good, it’s okay, don’t be sorry.” 

Cas gave a weaker whine and pulled his body along Deans. He could feel the damp overheated pulse of Castiels skin and the cooling wetness soaked into his boxers. Dean sighed when he thought about the mess he’d have to try and surreptitiously clean up tomorrow morning. 

And then there was his own hard on, still standing proud despite almost getting caught by Sam. When Cas pressed their hips closer, Dean’s jaw clicked and he pulled back. 

Cas noticed and whimpered, trailing a hand down Dean’s torso and grasped at the hem of Deans boxer shorts. 

Dean pulled Cas’s hand back and brought it back up above the sheet to kiss it. “No Cas, I’m fine, just go back to sleep, kay?” Dean kissed again at Castiels sweat slicked hairline. 

The angel gave a gruff grumble but slowly did readjust and start to relax. Now all Dean had to do was try to go back to sleep and not replay every single detail about what had just happened over and over and over again.


	10. Bath time and educational material

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd. It's technically been done for a month, I'm pretty sure I'm going to stop waiting around for a beta unless it's a really important long chapter. Sorry!

Dean is awake way too early the next morning when Sam begins to stir, already cleaning up the shattered remains of the lamp Cas had busted last night. 

Sam squints at the carpet in concern before the morning fog passes and he sighs in remembrance of last night. “We gonna report this one?” Sam asks as he throws the sheets back and gets out the other side. 

“I wasn’t planning on it.” Dean said with a perked eyebrow “I think it’s still a bit early in our stay to already be investing money into the “shit Cas has accidently broken” fund, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, well while I’m gone, try to keep that number below $300 bucks this time?” Sam said with a gruff morning voice on his way into the bathroom. 

Dean hears the toilet flush before Sam leaves again and begins to fiddle around in his duffle. “You going to the morgue on your own or is Gabriel coming along?” Dean asked as he dumped the rest of the glass into a waste bin. 

“Nah, I’ll handle the morgue on my own, probably handle the whole case on my own too. I mean, Gabe would have to deny himself the ability to leave whenever he pleased if he got himself locked up in the place and I honestly don’t think he has that kind of self control.” Sam smiled back over at Dean before rolling his eyes at the concern obviously written on his brother’s face.

“Man, we don’t even know if this is a real case, and it’s not like Gabe wont be able to get me out of there if something goes wrong.” 

Dean’s lips are tight but he turns away from Sam to let it drop, this early in the morning it isn’t worth it to bring all this crap up. 

“Dean… I really am safe with Gabriel. What happened in Missouri was just…”

“I know you’re safe Sam, it’s fine really, I just, you know, miss hunting.” Dean diverts, but Sam gives him a pitying smile. 

“We can switch if you want? What happened last time was probably exhausting for you. If you need a break I can take care of Castiel.” Sam offers, rolling his clean clothes into a ball in his hands. 

Dean appreciates the thought, but when he thinks about what had happened last night… he hides a shudder by cracking the stiffness out of his neck. “No I’m good, thanks for the offer though.” 

Sam watches Dean for a few more seconds before looking down at his clothes and leaving for the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Soon after Dean hears the shower and he sits and perches on the edge of his bed. 

He almost jumps away when he feels warm fingers slide under the back of his shirt and trace the base of his spine, goose bumps breaking out across his skin. He turns sharply and watches Castiel stir from his slumber.

Cas stretches his wings out before they thump back down, his tired body not quite ready yet to completely wake up. He smiles at Dean and chirps before pushing his face back into the pillow. Dean can’t help the grin that lifts his lips and makes him confidant enough to run his fingers through Castiels dark and sleep muddled hair. 

“Any good dreams?” Dean asks, the smirk obvious in his voice. He feels Cas still and tense beneath him, and then laughs softly as the back of Castiels neck darkens in a blush. The angel snaps his wings in tight to his body and is suddenly very awake. 

Dean feels kind of bad as Castiel’s wings quiver either in agitation or memory, but he can’t help it. He can’t remember the last time he just flirted with someone. 

Flirting was always kind of like hunting for him, or maybe playing a game of poker where you know everyone is evenly matched. You have to be at your best, read your partner, he couldn’t help some of those alpha male instincts that always pushed to the forefront of his mind. 

That quick beat in his heart or heated pressure in his blood. It would tingle up his spine and make him give girls looks that usually got them out of their panties pretty damn quick in the past. And now here he was feeling that familiar tension in his muscles like he needed a serious endurance run, except it was for a guy. 

This had been a particularly weird week. 

Cas squirmed his hips around and Dean remembered that he would definitely need to give Cas a bath today. He felt that thought process travel down to his dick and he squinted back at his groin in frustration. 

He felt that same sort of nervous anxiety like he’d felt last night, and although he knew he needed to stay focused and responsible there was no way to fight that thrill now coursing through his veins at the thought of the getting Cas naked in a bath. 

Dean flushed and pressed his hand down into his crotch to temper his growing erection. He hid the grunt in a cough and pulled awkwardly at his jeans. 

A shadow draped over his head and he felt the soft pressure of Cas resting a wing on top of him. Dean chuckled and fell back onto the bed, sighing before he began to rub his fingers through the feathers. “You know, I need to bathe you so this is all a big waste….”

Cas turned a little to him and gave him a sheepish smile. 

“But you don’t care about that do you, greedy” Dean reached back and ruffled Castiels hair, the angel snorting at him and tugging at Dean’s shirt as he pulled them closer together. 

They stayed like that, almost long enough for Dean to fall back asleep and Castiels breath had long ago evened out. When the bathroom door squeaked open Dean jerked away from the heavy pull of slumber and grunted in annoyance at the smile Sam shot him as he passed by their bed, all cleaned up and ready to go. 

“You are gonna be so out of shape by the time all this is over.” Sam smirked as he sat down to get his shoes on. 

“Speaking of, you getting us breakfast before you take off?” Dean asked, pulling himself back up from the bed and rubbing his hand down his face. 

“Uh! No, I’ll just send Gabe over and he’ll zap some food into existence for you, I think you need to lay off the pop tarts.” Sam smirked as he landed a quick slap on Dean’s foot. 

The older Winchester grunted and rolled his eyes, his hand coming to his stomach as a reflexive thought. 

Sam palmed the keys to the Impala and headed for the door “I’ll call you when I’m done at the morgue and then I’ll either head straight over to the asylum or come back here.” 

“Key, if you get call rights at the asylum give me a ring once you’re set up there.” 

Dean heard the muffled “I got it” as the door slammed shut before he fell back down onto the bed and rolled to look at Cas. 

Dean wondered exactly when Gabriel would show up, he didn’t exactly like the idea of the guy being around while he bathed Cas and he was also really hungry already. “Hey Cas” Dean rolled over and waited for the angel to crack an eye open at him “are you hungry?” 

Cas nodded and yawned before curling over. Dean sighed and weighed whether or not it was worth actually calling Gabriel before Sam. 

“Okay, I’m gonna ask Gabriel to bring us some food, then it’s time for your bath.” Dean pulled out from beneath the handsy angel and straightened his clothes before sighing again and rolling his eyes to the ceiling. 

“Oh great and powerful Gabriel, whose brothers art assholes except Castiel, we prey for you today to deliver sweet breakfast unto us lowly creatures.”… “Amen”. Dean finished and cracked an eye open, losing his stoic expression on the smile spread on Castiels face. 

A bang next to the door made Dean shoot back as confetti shot out towards them. Through the colorful haze, Dean could see a big sign on top of a small table covered in eggs, bacon, muffins, and juice. “YOU’RE A DICK!” the sign screamed out in big red writing with poorly drawn penises in each corner. 

Once Dean got over the shock, he started laughing so hard he fell to the carpet and rolled, clutching his sides as tears started to prick his eyes. Cas’s eyes were wide from the bed, but they were starting to crinkle as his own laugh began to bubble up. 

Dean picked himself up and wiped at his eyes “Well, he certainly knows how to deliver!” Dean exclaimed as he examined the food before them and threw a piece of bacon into his mouth. Cas had scrambled out of bed and stood next to Dean, his eyes roaming over the plates before taking a glass of orange juice that Dean held out to him. 

They both ate quickly, a fresh high quality breakfast a pleasant change from all the crap food they had been eating recently. Dean rubbed his stomach appreciatively before heading to the bathroom to get the room ready for Castiels next bath. Towels carpeting the ground and letting the bath fill up a few inches. 

“Hey Cas, you all set, it’s time for a bath.” Dean asked as he stepped out of the bathroom and waited for the angel to scarf down a few last bites of a blueberry muffin. The angel smiled happily after him and started removing his clothes, Dean helping by untying the loose threads that held Castiel’s shirts together to make room for his wings. Once they struggled past the shirt Dean felt his first wave of hesitation. 

‘There shouldn’t even be anything sexual about this.’ Dean thought to himself, as he slowly dragged his own shirt over his head. ‘You’re just helping a friend in need, the same thing you did last night… wait no shit, don’t think about last night…’ Dean’s hand’s waivered at his pants, but Castiel was already sitting in the water and playing with the soap bar, the warm water making him shiver and close his eyes with a hum.

Dean took the opportunity to steel himself and rushed out of his sweats and boxers, quick to sit behind the angel and keep some distance between Cas’s smooth back and his already half erect dick. Dean reached forward and stopped the faucet, pulling at the fixture to turn the showerhead on. They both flinched at the cold water that spurted out first before it was replaced with warm. 

“Gimme the soap Cas.” Dean said before he retracted his hand back behind the angel. Cas pushed it quickly back to him and hunched over as Dean began to work suds out from the bar and over the angels pinking skin. Dean made certain to keep the soap out of Castiel’s feathers and soon he was beginning the difficult task of cleaning the angel’s front from behind him. The whole process only becomes worse when he remembered the dried ejaculate likely plastered all over Cas’s thighs and hips from last night. 

Cas’s breathing had already been stuttering when Dean had run his hands over his chest, the nipples perking against the smooth flesh of Dean’s wrist while he scrubbed. “I’m just gonna get the rest of your front now, ok Cas?” Dean said, his voice low and gruff as he slowly worked his hands down Castiel’s stomach till he could feel his fingers brush along the beginning line of Cas’s pubic hair. 

Cas shuddered, drawing goose bumps from his skin, before he leaned back into Dean. Efficiently trapping Dean’s cock against his warm back. Dean’s breath caught in his throat and he found himself resting his forehead into Castiel’s shoulder, silently willing the angel to remain still.   
There was a hesitant drag to Dean’s hand as he trailed it along and through the line of hair, following the curve towards the inside of Cas’s thighs. 

The top of his hand felt the heat burning off of Castiel’s erection before he even touched it. At the first bump from his wrist Cas jerked forward and then wiggled back. Either trying to escape the sensation or chasing it, Dean wasn’t sure, all he could think about was how good it had felt when Cas had wiggled back against his dick. 

Dean couldn’t see what he was doing or whether or not Cas was clean yet, he sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, reaching his hand forward a bit more and gently beginning to rub the soap across Castiel’s balls. The angel tensed up, pressing harder into Dean, and let a loud whine through his lips. 

“It’s okay Cas, It’s okay. I’m just trying to get you clean from last night. I’ll be quick.” Dean kissed along the damp hairline in front of him and let himself peak over Cas’s shoulder. 

Amongst the dark swirls of pubic hair was Castiel’s jutting erection and Dean suddenly felt very disconnected from his hand. He watched his wrist press along the shaft as he continued to rub the soap along Castiel’s balls and further back between his ass cheeks. He felt the angel shiver and squirm deliciously up against his own now attentive hard on. 

Cas’s breath hitched when Dean turned his hand and pressed a knuckle into his perineum to scrub the inside cleft of a thigh. After that, Dean may have intentionally scrubbed that area more than was needed. He felt his nails dig in and out of the soap several times before his finally let it drop and sink to the bottom of the tub. His fingers roaming blindly beneath the sudsy water and along the angels hot flesh. 

Cas shuddered back against him as he explored and Dean bit down on his lip as he finally let himself press a few sharp and short thrusts against the angels back. 

Dean dragged his fingers back to Castiel’s balls and cupped them in his hand, rolling gently and rubbing his thumb up to the base of the shaft. Cas huffed and jerked forward in surprise and Dean’s other arm jolted around, pressing Cas back against him and rutting back into the warm wet space between their bodies. 

They both hissed in unison when Dean finally wrapped his hand around Castiel’s cock. He was still tentative, recognizing that this was the first time he was touching another man’s penis, not counting last night since boxers were separating their skin. But Dean felt pretty far-gone, water starting to lap around them as he rutted harder and faster against Cas’s back. 

He pulled a few long and hard strokes that made Cas start thrusting forward in pursuit of more, keening when Dean rubbed over the head a few times. 

He dropped his head back onto Dean’s shoulder and Dean immediately attended the bared flesh below the collar with tongue and teeth. His eyes squeezed shut in concentration as he tried to time his strokes with his own short thrusts. Dean growled in frustration as Cas once again rocked him off rhythm, the angels thrusting carelessly into Dean’s hand, too inexperienced to know what he liked yet. 

“Stay!” Dean barked over the shower noise before sinking his teeth back into the taught skin at Cas’s neck. The angel whimpered and stilled, finally letting Dean do as he pleased. Dean groaned when he got the timing right, the subtle and uncontrollable gyrations of Castiels hips helping him along. 

Dean watched the head of Castiel’s cock pass through his fist, red and swollen, precome dripping into the water at his hips. His own body starting to numb out everything but the pleasure that was starting to flash through his body faster and faster. 

Castiel groaned and Dean released his neck to match their lips together, licking his tongue against the angels and tasting blueberries. Cas dug his fingers into Dean’s thighs as he scrambled for purchase, his wings uncomfortably tight as Dean held him in place. 

Cas whined when Dean tightened his fist and worked his cock faster, getting desperate to see the angel come, certain it would be the final thing he would need to reach his own orgasm. 

Cas arched and gasped, his body going so rigid along Dean’s it was almost painful, and then he was rewarded with the white ropes of come decorating the angels stomach. Cas was quivering when he dropped his body back down, twitching as Dean worked him into sensitivity. 

Dean was quick to pull the angel back into place against his body, no longer even aware of the hand he’d left working Cas’s cock or the other, which was pulling and tweaking a now tender nipple as he held the wrecked angel in place.

“Good boy” he groaned out as Castiel slid back into place against his cock “Such a good boy for me.” The angel groaned and twisted to find Dean’s lips. “Ahh, shit Cas!” Dean moaned between their lips, the pressure gathering at the base becoming frustratingly close. 

“Shit, so good Cas, aren’t you? So damn good!” Dean was babbling now, mere seconds before he could feel those flashes of pleasure finally becoming a crescendo in his body and making the water around his pounding hips splash free from the tub rim. 

Dean grunted and hissed when his orgasm finally broke through him, pressing against the angel so hard he almost doubled over. 

“Fuck! Cas…” Dean breathed as he rested his head behind the angels, kissing along his hairline again. He looked down to the milky stripes slowly dragging down the angels back. One particular hit had landed at the base of the right wing, standing out on the dark feathers. 

Dean ran a thumb through it, smearing it into the feathers. Cas shuddered, and Dean checked himself before blushing, washing the angel’s back and wing clean. 

Dean just wanted to fall back and relax, let Cas curl up on top of him, which was clearly what the angel wanted to do as well. Dean released the limp cock he’d still been sheepishly tugging and Cas groaned as he leaned back into Dean. 

“I know” Dean’s voice horse and tired, like he’d dragged it through mud “I still gotta wash you’re hair, and the waters getting cold.” Cas yawned and Dean stifled his own, gently pushing Cas back under the shower spray till his hair was soaked through. 

He was pretty sure the angel fell asleep while he was messaging the shampoo into Cas’s scalp, jerking back awake when Dean pushed his head back under the spray to rinse and released the stopper on the drain. Dean laughed and ran his hands over the angels shivering skin as the water became obnoxiously cool and turned off the shower. 

“Come on, time to dry off and then bed” Dean kissed once more at Cas’s now fragrant hairline before putting his arms underneath the angels and helping him up. Cas gave a sleepy chirp and wouldn’t let go of Dean as he dried the two of them off, paying extra attention to Castiels waterlogged wings. 

“You’re going to get the bed soaked” Dean sighed as he used yet another towel. “That’s gonna have to be good enough, we’re basically out of dry towels.” Dean opened the door and went to his duffel, trying to figure out which shirt he was prepared to ruin so it could fit for Castiel’s wings. 

“Hey! What are you doing?” Dean asked in surprise as Cas went over to what had been Sam’s bed and removed the bedding, pillows and all. He plopped it over in a square of sunlight coming in from the window and began to shove and twist the blankets and sheets until he seemed happy with his work and lied down on them. He cooed to Dean and raised a hand to him, an offering for him to join the angel in his nest. 

Dean rolled his eyes but smirked and sat down next to Cas on the floor, taking the wing offered and beginning to smooth the damp feathers back into place. “Maybe we should start blow drying you, these things soak up water like a sponge.” Dean huffed out in a laugh as Cas’s breathing began to deepen, his eyes only opening to slits when Dean had spoken. 

He dragged a hand towards Dean and wrapped as much of his arm around his waist as he could before giving a gentle pull. Dean smiled and leaned down to kiss along Castiel’s stubble covered jaw line. “I’m coming, don’t worry, I remember that I promised bed.” 

Dean tucked himself along the curve of blankets and let Cas wiggle in as close as was comfortably possible. Soon a dark wing was pressed over him, and even through the damp press he could feel the comforting heat of Castiels body. 

Dean leaned down and shared a few more kisses with the angel, licking gently into his mouth and coaxing little murmured sounds from his throat. 

They both stilled soon after, fingers drawing over plains of skin as they listened to one another breathe into sleep. Dean wasn’t even conscious enough to remember that Sam might come back and they were both naked on the floor; too lulled by the soft form beside him to care. 

¬¬¬  
Dean woke up with one hell of a crick in his neck, grumbling as he rolled to his side and tried to stuff a pillow underneath his head before he remembered he was in a blanket nest on the motel floor. 

He went stiff before sitting up, eyes immediately focusing on the door and hoping he hadn’t woken up to the sound of Sam coming back. But another minute passed with Dean holding a pillow protectively over his junk before he figured it was safe to get up. 

Pants back on Dean leaned against the table and looked over Castiels sleeping figure. His feathers had dried out in a big old fluffy mess and he appeared thoroughly tangled in the sheets around him, but he was none the wiser to Dean’s absence; his breathing still deep. 

Dean felt his stomach give a rumble and looked at his phone. It was about 2 in the afternoon and he had a missed call from Sam. 

With stealthy intent, Dean got dressed the rest of the way and stepped into the bathroom, dialing up his brother. He wasn’t surprised when it went to voicemail; Sam’s message had said that he would be leaving straight to the asylum but that Gabriel had decided to join him. 

Dean left his own voicemail, just incase Gabriel would pop the phone back for them to have access. 

Once back in the bedroom Dean sat on his bed and took a moment to breathe. The slight snoring sound coming from the floor the only other sound in the room and guiding Dean’s only possible thought process at the moment. 

He thought back to the shower. A flush starting to work its way over his body as he remembered the sensation of Castiel’s hot cock in his hand and the design of come he’d left across his back. Once you jack off another guy while coming on that same guys back, you can’t really deny your attraction anymore. Or at least that was Dean’s thought process. 

But Dean was still treading unfamiliar waters and he wanted to get this right. He didn’t want to fuck this up, on so many levels, but there was also so much that was wrong about this whole thing. 

Dean’s stomach rumbled again, a distraction demanding attention. 

He sighed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes before padding back over to Cas and crawling down to him. 

At the first touch Dean dragged up the angel’s arm he was responding. One eye creaking open before he croaked out a low chirp and turned to Dean, trying to cuddle the Winchester back into bed. 

Dean chuckled and rubbed along his sleep warm skin. “I know Cas but I’m hungry. And if I’m hungry I know you’re going to be hungry soon too. I’m going to order a pizza. I’m just waking you up so when the delivery guy get’s here you have time to get in the bathroom, okay?” 

Cas nodded and yawned, his fingers finding a way under Dean’s clothes and walking along his skin. “You’re nodding but you don’t look like you’re trying very hard to wake up.” The smirk heavy in his voice as he leaned down and kissed along the shell of Castiel’s ear. 

Dean pulled back up so as not to encourage Castiel’s lazy behavior and pulled out the computer to search up the phone number of the closest pizza joint. He was about to ask if he should get extra beef when he noticed the slight snore from the pillows. Dean rolled his eyes but let the soft smile blooming in his chest travel to his lips. 

It was still difficult to adapt to, how quickly his world had turned in the past few days, and that wasn’t even counting the apocalypse. One day someone’s a friend and the next….? And the next what, a lover? 

Dean’s eyes traced along Castiel’s sleeping form, from human to angel as he remembered the small sounds he’d pressed from Castiel in the shower. He didn’t feel nearly as nervous about this whole experience as he’d thought he would have. Maybe that was because Cas already knew everything there was to know about him. Maybe it was because there was no way to hold any awkward relationship conversations when your partner can do little more than throw single words at you and squawk. 

And Dean was having a harder time thinking about saying no anymore, to both Cas and to himself. Every part of him was curious for more and wanted things he didn’t know how to vocalize. He wanted to treat Castiel right, give him what he needed and desired. But at the end of the day, things like that required in-depth communication, something Cas wasn’t capable of mastering and Dean was barely capable of producing when his nerves got the better of him. 

Was it really right for him to make this touch and go when consent was technically uncertain? Dean didn’t want to hurt Cas, or worse, their friendship, or whatever it would even be considered now. He needed to be in control of this situation and reassure Cas that he could handle this and guide them. 

Dean’s fingers hesitated across the keyboard and he began to type into google and entirely different question than what he’d originally planned.   
“the best ways to approach” Dean licked his lips and looked quickly over to Cas again “your partner about anal sex”. 

Most of it seemed basic if you had even an elementary idea about anatomy. Use lots of lube, go slow, make sure your partner is very aroused beforehand, and of course communicate. The farther down Dean dug the more the information became a bit unclear.

A lot of people recommended doing the first time in a spooning position on your side, types of lube specifically for anal, cleanliness of course and some of the strange ways to achieve this cleanliness that made Dean grimace. In was just so much to take in, he had honestly never thought about how nice it would be to have someone he could trust and talk to about this. 

Dean sighed and clicked the next link to a blog page, immediately jerking his hands across the keyboard as a male voice gave him a cheery greeting. Once the mute was on he scrolled down to the video that had begun upon his entry to the site. 

A mid-thirties male, with sandy blond hair gelled back in only a pair of shorts smiled wide at the camera. Next to him sat another male, clearly taller and tanner with two arm tattoos but more built with army cut brown hair. Both smiled and chatted mutely to the camera, fingers laced between them. 

Cautiously Dean quickly unmuted and lowered the volume till it was barely audible. 

The two men appeared to be answering questions messaged to them, one of which that they were particularly focused on, was regarding how being penetrated had been for both of them the first times and if they could go back and re-due it, what they would apply differently to the situation. 

The brunette immediately scoffed and rolled his eyes before smacking his hand to his face. “I wish I’d understood just how much it could hurt the first time, and how uncomfortable it could feel, no matter how ready you think you are. I wish we’d used those lubes we have now that can help numb some of the pain. I don’t know, I wish I’d waited for you instead of the first guy.”

It was the blonde’s turn to roll his eyes and laugh, “It doesn’t matter and you know that, I love you for exactly who you are, past and present you goof. I wish I’d talked to my partner more about what I physically wanted. Your first time you’re just so damn embarrassed and uncomfortable, you don’t know how to ask for things. Even after the first time, it was hard to ask, hard to understand what I wanted without guidance. Honestly, I think that’s a lot of the reason I started this blog. Hoping I could help people understand their behaviors and desires better than I did so they can avoid getting hurt or hurting others.” 

“Never do anything to your partner that you haven’t tried to some extent on yourself” the blond continued “I mean sure there are certain limitations and it isn’t exactly a rule, but if you have an idea of how much something can hurt you’ll know what to look for in your partner’s responses. It will just make it easier and safer, especially if you’re with someone who might be uncertain of when to say stop or a safety word. Also! Another big one is how much easier anal sex can be with both partners on their side. I don’t know what it is about this position but it can really change the pain levels! I highly recommend it for the first time. “ 

There were a few final discussions about safety and links for online stores to buy lube, condoms, toys, and before Dean even knew it they were suddenly lying back on the bed and kissing. His hand jerked on the mouse pad in reflex to exit the screen but something made him pause. 

Maybe it was the fact that he had zero references for what this process was supposed to look like, maybe it was that now that he’d gone this far with another guy it made sense to examine his feelings towards guy on guy action, to help clear up some of his own questions. 

The blond was clearly being the more aggressive of the two for this scene, already straddling the brunette and teasingly dragging his fingers over the wrists that the brunette kept resting next to his head. 

The blond kissed down his body, focusing a few extra kisses along each arm tattoo before reaching the edge of the brunette’s shorts and planting teasing bites at the seams. Dean licked his lips when the blond unbuttoned and unzipped the brunette’s khakis, the form of his erection bulging beneath the white briefs he wore beneath. 

The blond rubbed above the fabric briefly, smirking when the larger man beneath him visibly shuddered. He clearly wasn’t interested in drawing out the big reveal; soon the flesh Dean found himself anxious to see was standing before the camera. 

It was a slender yet long cock, flopping back and quickly being covered by the blonde’s hand as he stroked it to full attention. The brunette curled his fingers into a fist and grinded up into the palm. The blond stopped briefly to travel back up his torso and kiss each pliant wrist, a single silent reminder for whatever rule he had clearly set. 

When the blond returned to his previous goal he lowered down and began to pepper the cock with soft kisses, blowing cool air down all the way to the pernium, obviously doing anything to make the larger man beneath him squirm before he was rewarded. 

“Danny, please?” the brunette begged, hazel eyes pleading to blue. 

Much to the brunette’s obvious joy, the blond, uh Danny finally sank his mouth around the girth. He moved up and down quickly to gather spit before settling into a rhythm that had the larger man fighting to keep from bucking. 

Dean flicked his gaze to Castiel’s still sleeping form and risked bringing the volume up another click, his hunger completely forgotten for a new alien sensation groping it’s way through him. 

The brunette had his legs pulled back now, hands tucked behind his knees as his face flushed from Danny’s efforts. The blond flicked his tongue around the hole before pressing a lubed up ring finger into the last knuckle. The brunette let out a heavy breath and Danny rubbed his other hand comfortingly along a thigh. 

Movement caught Dean’s eye as he ripped himself from the screen to look down and see Cas kneeling with a curious gaze at his feet. Dean gulped and quickly moved to try and exit the webpage; a breathy moan crossing through the speaker before he hastily shut the laptop closed. 

Dean stammered and coughed; suddenly choking on the air he desperately needed to form some type of an excuse. Dean had no idea how much Cas had heard, no idea how long he’d been there or if he’d seen anything. 

“Uh, Cas, soo…” 

The angel cocked his head and his eyes traveled down Dean’s body before stilling at his groin. 

“Food?”


End file.
